The Other Waldorf
by SoberDylan
Summary: Forgotten sibling Lucy comes to the Upper East Side and is thrown into their world. Set pre season 1, the summer before Serena goes to boarding school, through Constance, college, and all the other Gossip Girl milestones we know so well. Mystery/Intrigue/Drama/Romance.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a story I thought about when watching Season 1 and after reading the first Gossip Girl book. Of course, in the book, Blair has a younger brother, but in the TV series, she has no siblings. What if she did have a sister? **

**Mystery, romance, intrigue and plenty of plotting!**

**Relationships: Chair, Serenate and Derena. **

Across the Atlantic Ocean, in London, England, a girl was debating what to do.

Her guardian, Imogen, had died a week ago, and after the funeral, the house was empty and lonely. Lucy had started wondering about her family. Imogen had always told her to stay away, and had never given her enough money to go. Until now, that was.

Imogen had left everything to her in the will, enough to buy hundreds of millions of plane tickets.

She would go and find her family.

Months before she died, Imogen had bought Lucy a passport, on which she had dual nationality: British and American. That was her first clue. Her second was all the things Imogen had told her about her mother.

"She was so talented, and her fashions have gone worldwide!"

"Beautiful dark hair, just like yours, Lucy."

"She married a lawyer after your father left her."

"A Park Avenue address - I remember when I used to live on the Upper East Side."

"Your mother was an Astor, you know. Her mother was my sister. You do know I'm your great-aunt, don't you?"

"Your grandmother still lives on Fifth Avenue."

Imogen, in her old age, had given Lucy several clues. Her mother was an Astor, on her mother's side, and her grandmother was Imogen's sister. Searching through Imogen's possessions, she found several letters from a Josephine Astor, who spoke about her young daughter, Eleanor and later, about a granddaughter, Blair. Josephine had signed the letters 'from your dear sister'.

A quick Google search of Blair, New York, fashion and Eleanor, New York, fashion, returned Waldorf Designs and the address of the atelier. She would start there.

Lucy started to pack, neatly, as usual, but impatient. She wanted to meet them, find out why she was exiled here, and they, oblivious in New York. Did Blair know of her existence? Blair was 15 now, just finishing Freshman Year in high school. Lucy looked around her bare room, hers since she was a baby. The narrow single bed was where she had slept nearly every night of her life. Imogen had lived frugally, doling out pocket money in small quantities, enough for a pair of Topshop jeans every month and a Starbucks on a Saturday morning, but not what Blair would have been used to all her life.

Sighing, she closed her suitcase and called a taxi. She left the large house in Chelsea at 1pm, looking back at the large, empty windows. She had always hated it.

Arriving at Heathrow Airport, she booked a ticket on the next flight to New York, leaving in two hours, and checked in her bag.

The flight was long, but her first class ticket meant she travelled in comfort. She arrived in New York at 7pm in the evening, remembering to change the time on her watch to five hours earlier. She was exhausted, and decided to check into a hotel at the airport.

She would find her family tomorrow.

* * *

The next day, Lucy rose early and checked out, then headed for the bus. She would get the bus to Grand Central, then find a hotel before heading to the atelier. The plan went well, but doubts plagued her. What if her family didn't want her? What if Eleanor took one look at her and dismissed her. What if Blair thought she was a tramp?

Lucy checked herself in the mirror at the hotel. Her mascara, as usual, was amateurly applied, and her eyeliner had already smudged. Her dress was crumpled and her shoes scuffed with dirt. She imagined turning up at their penthouse with Eleanor and Blair looking immaculate, dressed impeccably in designer clothes and hair shining and neat, make up professionally applied. Lucy felt like crying. Of course she would be turned away. She changed into a white blouse and black skinny jeans, and put on her Topshop black blazer and a pair of emerald green flats. She brushed her hair, letting it frame her oval face and reapplied her make up, trying to keep her hand steady. Now she just had to stay neat until she saw her mother and sister.

She left, remembering to grab her handbag and hailed a taxi. The atelier was a large building and Lucy took a deep breath before walking up to the front desk.

"Hello, I'm here to see Eleanor Waldorf" she said pleasantly, in her well spoken English accent.

"Do you have an appointment?" the girl said, looking askance at Lucy's clothes. Lucy looked down. She already had a smudge of dirt on her blouse. Where had that come from?

"No, but I'm her daughter, she'll see me." Lucy said confidently.

The girl looked at Lucy's features, at her large brown eyes and pale skin and rosebud mouth.

"You aren't Blair" the girl said, but she looked uncertain. "I didn't know Eleanor had another daughter."

"I've been in London. If she's busy, I'll just wait at home. Could you check the address for me, for the taxi? I haven't been home in years!"

The girl looked suspicious now.

"I'll ring up, wait here."

She held a whispered conversation while Lucy waited.

"What's your name?"

"Lucy Eleanor" Lucy replied, and the girl turned back to her conversation. She hung up a moment later.

"Follow me" she said, walking towards the elevator. Lucy got in, and they went to the third floor. The doors opened onto an open plan floor, full of desks, the hum of hundreds of sewing machines and models half draped in material. Orders were barked, she could hear someone sobbing furiously and the scatter of buttons falling on the floor. The girl led Lucy across the floor to a door at the far end. She knocked.

"Come in" a regal voice commanded. The girl nodded to Lucy, who turned the handle and went in.

Eleanor Waldorf was sitting at a desk, surrounded by papers, a sewing machine and a dummy, on which a dress was forming. She looked up at Lucy, her face pale, her hands clasped in front of her.

"Sit down, please" she said, and Lucy took the only available chair, in front of the desk.

Eleanor looked lost, uncertain. Her eyes travelled over her daughter, from her face to her feet, noting her clothes and handbag.

"Lucy, is it? How can I help?"

Lucy felt like hitting her.

"I'm your daughter" she said coldly. "You must know about me. You bore me, you carried me for 9 months and gave me to your aunt. You gave me this name."

Eleanor sighed. "I was just wondering why you came. You never got in touch before, I thought you didn't want me, and were happy with Imogen."

"I didn't know you existed" Lucy said, watching Eleanor's face. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"You - but I sent you money, each month, and birthday presents, and Christmas presents. I never got anything back, not even a note."

"I didn't get any of that" Lucy said, growing more confused. "Imogen died a week ago. We just had the funeral and she left me her money. I was finally able to afford a plane ticket."

"She kept your money from you?" Eleanor said, voice rising in anger. "How _dare _she?"

"Look, that doesn't matter now" Lucy said, "she's dead, and she had her reasons. The important thing is that I found you. I just want to get to know you and Blair, and to find some answers."

"I'd like that too" Eleanor said, "I've wanted you to come since I married Harold and had Blair, when I was settled. I hated leaving you, even for a little while. But Imogen rang me and said you didn't want to come, that you wanted to stay, so I contented myself with pictures and presents."

"But if Imogen didn't want me to leave, why did she leave me her money?"

A phone ringing interrupted Eleanor before she could answer Lucy.

"Blair? What is it? No, I'm busy. I'll be home at 6, be there. We need to talk. Goodbye."

"Sorry about that" Eleanor said, "my daughter Blair is a demanding madam, as you will find out."

She paused, to gather her thoughts.

"I'm all in a muddle. This is a huge shock, to see you sitting there, so real. Everything has gone so differently from how I imagined. I wanted you here, growing up with Blair.

"I would like you to come and live with me. Go to Blair's school, go to college here, make a life here."

Lucy smiled, for the first time since she had entered the room. Her smile lit up her pale face and Eleanor smiled too.

"Your smile is just like Blair's" she said softly.

"I would love that. I've only ever wanted a real family" she said. Eleanor coughed and turned away, but Lucy caught the tears forming in her eyes.

"Now, let's go. The atelier can run itself for an afternoon. You need to meet your sister."

* * *

**A short chapter to start with, just to set the scene. Are you interested in this story? I have the whole thing in my head, just waiting to be written! Chair will feature heavily, but some events may change with Lucy's involvement. Will Blair scheme less? Will Chuck be less damaged? **

**And the big question: who is Lucy's father?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hhahaha Blair's reaction now! Enjoy. **

* * *

Eleanor chatted nervously on the way back to the Waldorf penthouse. She filled Lucy in on the details of her life, about her life with Harold, who was currently at work, with Blair and her life in fashion. Lucy listened, wide eyed. This life seemed alien to her.

When they arrived home, Eleanor laughed nervously as she got out of the car and directed Lucy into the building and towards the elevator.

"Lucy" she began, "Blair can be a little...temperamental. I'm just going to warn you before you meet her. She knows about you, of course, but she didn't think she'd ever meet you. She loves being an only child, and she's so independent. I don't know how she's going to react."

Lucy swallowed nervously. The elevator doors opened and they stepped out onto a marble floor. The staircase rose to the left and there was a hallway in front of them. The open plan living room to the right led through to a dining room and wide windows overlooked the park. Lucy looked around, but stopped when she saw a graceful figure descending the stairs.

The girl had soft brown ringlets framing her pale, heart shaped face and wide brown eyes, fringed with dark, curling lashes. Her complexion was flawless and her pouting lips red. Her figure was very slim, and she was dressed impeccably in a dark blue dress with a white lace collar, with a white headband among her curls. Blair was beautiful, and by comparison, Lucy felt like a dirty tramp.

"Mother? Who have you brought in off the streets? We aren't a shelter, you know" Blair said archly, swaying her hips as she sauntered over to the couches and sat down elegantly. Eleanor sighed.

"Blair, this is your sister, Lucy."

Blair's mouth stayed open in shock for at least 10 seconds before she snapped it shut. Then she looked at her sister, assassinating her outfit with a malevolent glance.

"Is that what they wear in London these days?" she said, smirking slightly.

"Blair!" Eleanor snapped, beckoning Lucy over to the couches and patting the seat next to her as she sat.

"Lucy's guardian has just died and she has come to live with us. She would like to get to know us."

"There's always email" Blair said, pouting. "We don't have a spare bedroom."

"We do. It's joined on to Blair's bathroom, so you'll have to share with her, Lucy, but it's a lovely room. I'll have Dorota sort it for you. Dorota!"

A pleasantly plump woman with a pretty face came rushing out.

"Yes, Miss Eleanor" she said, slightly out of breath.

"Lucy, my daughter has come to live with us. Please get the room next to Blair's ready for her and send for her luggage. It's at.."

Eleanor turned to Lucy.

"The Waldorf-Astoria" she said.

Blair raised one elegant eyebrow.

"You have a nice accent, I will say that much" she said. "I did always like the English accent."

"Thank you" Lucy said.

"Right girls, now let's go and have dinner and Blair, you will be nice."

The three sat down at the beautifully laid table, and the chef brought out their appetisers. Lucy looked down at the unfamiliar dish.

"Aren't you hungry?" Blair asked snidely, picking at her own food with her fork. Lucy felt lost.

"Don't you like scallops, dear?" Eleanor asked kindly. "I'll get chef to find you something else."

"No, no" Lucy said quickly, "I've just...never had them before."

Blair snorted. Eleanor shot her a glance.

"Manners, Blair. Lucy, just try them."

Lucy speared one on her fork and took a bite. They were delicious, but Eleanor and Blair were looking at her, scandalised.

"You have a knife as well" Blair pointed out. Lucy flushed. Of course, she should cut them up.

She ate the rest daintily, enjoying the sauce on them and the garnish of fresh salad. She was starting to realise just how unprepared she was for this life. Imogen had repeatedly told her how different she was from her family, and that she was glad she didn't have to be so formal anymore. They had always eaten casually, in front of the television, or in the kitchen, eating fries with their fingers. Lucy was never taught table manners.

The main course arrived: duck breast with pak choi, creamed spinach and sweet potato fondant, with a shallot puree, and a dark red wine jus. Lucy ate nervously with her knife and fork, taking tiny mouthfuls. The food was delicious, but she felt under constant surveillance and was unable to enjoy it fully.

"I'm too full for dessert" Blair declared, laying down her napkin with a flourish. Eleanor nodded. They both turned to Lucy.

"I.." Lucy was still hungry, but couldn't eat her way through dessert with these hostile eyes. "I'm full too."

Blair smiled sarcastically. "Oh, I'm so glad you've had enough to eat. You don't want to eat too much. It might damage your figure...further."

Lucy flushed, miserable. Maybe coming here had been a mistake.

"You do realise that Lucy is your senior by two years, don't you Blair?" Eleanor said sternly. Blair shrugged.

"She doesn't act like it. Do you even know what Jimmy Choo is?"

"A...shoe" Lucy said, sure she had seen some in a magazine. Blair clapped slowly, mocking her.

"They don't just make shoes." Blair said scathingly.

The elevator pinged and a soft, gentle voice called, "Blair? Blair, are you home?"

Blair pushed her chair back.

"May I be excused, mother? Serena and I are going out."

Eleanor nodded wearily.

"Introduce your sister" she said quietly, and there was a small battle of wills as the the two Waldorf women faced off. Finally, Blair nodded, and snapped her fingers at Lucy.

"Come on then" she said, and Lucy followed her younger sister to the lobby.

A tall, golden blonde girl stood there, her expression haughty, her lips unsmiling.

"B, you were supposed to meet me an hour ago" she whined, her lip jutting out. This girl too was impeccably dressed in a lacy sheer blouse and navy blue skirt which accentuated her long, perfect legs. She looked confused as she spotted Lucy.

"Hi, I'm Serena van der Woodsen" she said, her previously bored expression transforming into a charming smile which caused Lucy to blink rather heavily, overcome.

"I'm Lucy Waldorf" she said quietly. Serena looked adorably confused, her eyes flitting to Blair and back again.

"Blair's sister? The one from London that Blair thought was _dead_?"

"What?" Lucy said sharply, turning to Blair. "You thought I was dead?"

Blair shrugged, her previous sharp wit and dominance suddenly muted in the presence of this girl.

"I wrote to you, every year until I was 12, asking you to come back, to come and live with us. Mother said you were happy where you were. One day I heard Mother crying in her room. I had never seen her cry before. She was sobbing, "Why doesn't she want me? Why doesn't she want to come back to me?" and I knew she was talking about you. You rejected her, rejected us, and I swore from that day you would be dead to me."

Lucy opened her mouth to say something, but Blair pushed past her, towards the elevator. Serena waved half heartedly as the doors closed behind them.

Lucy felt tears prick her eyelids. A hand rested on her shoulder.

"Your room is ready, dear" Eleanor said softly. "I'll leave you to settle in. Just follow Dorota upstairs."

Lucy followed the maid, fighting off her tears. She was shown into a beautiful room, furnished sparsely, but elegantly. Dorota closed the door behind her.

The bed was queen sized, with a duck egg-blue silk comforter. On the nightstand either side of her bed were tall lamps. The curtains either side of the large window overlooking Central Park were floor length and the same duck egg blue as her comforter. A door in the corner led to the bathroom, which was full of Blair's beauty products. She sprayed a little Chanel No 5 on her wrist and sniffed it. Heavenly. She went into Blair's room, looking around at the beautiful paintings, the clothes in the wardrobe, her MacBook and bookshelves full of books and ornaments. She went back through to her room and opened another door. A walk in wardrobe. Empty. Her clothes would barely fill one shelf. She opened her suitcase and looked despondently at her clothes.

They looked shabby and cheap. She threw them on the floor and opened her suitcase over them, letting all the _rubbish_ inside fall onto the heap of clothes. Then she flung herself on the bed, giving way to her tears.

Dorota entered, saw the girl sobbing with her head in the covers and withdrew quietly, going to find Eleanor.

"Miss Eleanor," she began, as Eleanor looked up from her desk, "Miss Lucy, she is sad. I see her crying on her bed and her clothes on the floor. Miss Blair was very mean to her and Lucy feel sad now. I don't know what she wants."

"Do you think she noticed how different she and Blair seemed?" Eleanor asked.

"She see Blair's clothes. I see her go into Blair's room and look at all her things. Miss Lucy, she has nothing. She doesn't want her clothes, or why are they on the floor?"

Eleanor laughed shortly. "She wants to go shopping. That's something I can deal with." She got up from her desk.

"I'll ask Lily to take her tomorrow. Blair will only sabotage her."

"Why don't you take her, Miss Eleanor?"

"I don't have time, Dorota. I have to get my new collection out by the autumn, and I could ill spare today."

Dorota withdrew, shaking her head, and went to make Miss Lucy some hot chocolate.

Lucy woke when she heard Blair's laugh. It was dark. She turned on her bedside lamp and saw a mug of hot chocolate by her bed, still warm. Her curtains were closed and her pile of belongings were gone. Confused, she walked to the wardrobe and found her clothes neatly folded. Her photos were on the dressing table, along with her simple jewellery and her books were in the bookcase. Her Macbook Pro, a birthday present from Imogen, was on the desk and her notebooks beside it. Lucy smiled. At least one person in this house seemed to be welcoming her. She sighed, and got ready for bed. When she opened the door to the bathroom, Blair was there, brushing her hair. She silently reached for her toothbrush and started cleaning her teeth.

"Have a nice evening?" Blair asked, looking at Lucy in the glass. Lucy shrugged. She spat.

"How was yours?" she asked.

Blair laughed airily. "Oh, fun. Serena and I went to 21 and had some cocktails. Kati and Iz fell over, they were so drunk. Serena wasn't much better. My boyfriend Nate had to take her home." Blair looked superior as she twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

"You have a boyfriend?" Lucy asked, curiously, although she wasn't surprised. Girls like Blair had boyfriends, handsome, dedicated ones.

"Yes, Nate Archibald. We've been together since we were eleven. It's always been Serena, Nate and me. Best friends since birth. Oh, and Chuck."

Lucy thought of her own empty life. Imogen had kept her away from other children, bringing her up alone, isolated. She had been a day boarder in boarding school, only able to make casual friends because she hadn't been there for all the stuff that happens after hours.

"That's nice" she said quietly. "Do you love him?"

Blair looked at Lucy, taking in her red rimmed eyes. Her eyes softened a little.

"Yes, I love him. Always have, always will" she whispered. Lucy smiled at her sister.

"Goodnight Blair" she said, turning to leave.

"Lucy" Blair said hesitantly. Lucy turned.

"What?" Lucy felt hopeful.

"I...you aren't dead to me now. I'm glad you came. We have a long way to go, but you're family. Serena made me see that."

Lucy nodded. "Thanks" she said, returning to her room.

Blair stood in the bathroom, tears falling. The sister she had dreamed about for years had come back for her. Together they wouldn't have to be quite so alone.

* * *

Lucy woke at nine the next morning. The mug had gone from her bedside table and the curtains were opened. She chuckled to herself. An outfit had even been laid out for her, on top of her comforter at the end of the bed. A green lacy dress and black headband, which weren't hers. Blair stuck her head around the bathroom door.

"Oh good, you're awake" she said, skipping lightly into the room. She touched the green dress.

"I picked that out for you. It suits me, so it will suit you, we have the same colouring."

She smiled shyly at Lucy.

"Lily is taking you shopping today, mother said at breakfast. I said I wanted to come, but she doesn't trust me not to ruin it."

Blair rolled her eyes.

"After my behaviour yesterday, I think she's right. Lily will help you."

"Who's Lily? Lucy asked sleepily. She was still catching up on her jet lag and it had been a hard 24 hours in New York.

"Serena's mum. She's friends with mother. Well, society friends, you know. Mother's gone to the atelier and we won't see her much at all."

"Is that normal?" Lucy asked.

Blair snorted. "Yes. Mother's never here. It's like living alone, except for Dorota. But now you're here."

Blair turned away to hide the genuine smile that crossed her face.

"I'll tell Dorota to put some breakfast out. See you downstairs?"

Lucy nodded. She showered in a daze, bewildered by Blair's sudden change. If she were Blair, she would have wanted an explanation why Lucy didn't come sooner. She didn't even know the whole story yet and she had just forgiven her.

She dressed in Blair's dress, drying and curling her hair and putting the headband on. She looked in the glass and laughed. She looked like her little sister, apart from her face shape and extra height.

Blair was waiting downstairs in the dining room and kept up a running commentary as Lucy ate. Dorota hovered, looking suspiciously at Blair.

"Hellooo" a voice cooed from the lobby. A well groomed blonde woman came through to the dining room.

"Hello Blair" she said, "and this must be Lucy?"

Lucy put down her glass and smiled.

"You must be Lily" she said politely, standing and holding out her hand. Lily smiled faintly.

"Are you ready, dear?" she asked. Lucy nodded and the two headed for the elevators.

"Don't get her a dress for the Shepherd wedding, I want to go with her and Serena to get that" Blair called as they got into the elevator.

"Okay Blair" Lily laughed.

* * *

Shopping was exhausting.

Lucy tried on dress after dress, shoes, t shirts, blouses and posed with handbag after handbag. Scarves and sunglasses were added to the pile. Soft, gorgeous jeans were donned and deemed acceptable. School uniform tried on and approved. They found a blazer that was a hundred times more expensive than her Topshop one, which had been her pride and glory.

"Headbands?" Lily asked with a wry smile. Lucy, laughing, shook her head.

Then they hit the electronics. When Lucy protested that she _had _a phone, Lily took one look at the clunky thing and added a newer model to the pile. An iPod was picked out and a sound system.

"I have a Macbook Pro" Lucy said. Lily raised an eyebrow and moved away from the laptops. GHd straighteners and a top of the range hairdryer were picked out.

"Now for beauty products" Lily said. She took her to the salon, where her hair was cut and styled, washed and conditioned. They recommended products for her hair.

"What scent do you like?" Lily asked.

"I tried Blair's Chanel No 5 yesterday" Lucy said. Lily laughed and picked up three bottles.

"Always good to stock up."

The amount of beauty products Lily chose astounded Lucy. She had Chanel face cream, body cream, shampoo, conditioner. Make up, from foundation to lip liner. Eyeliner in five colours.

"I don't even wear make up" Lucy protested. Lily just laughed again, and moved on to books.

She piled in all the classics.

"Eleanor says you have bookcases to fill and these are always good to have. Makes you look smart anyway."

Finally they ate lunch, Lucy's legs aching.

"I notice you wear flats" Lily said disapprovingly. "Women in New York wear heels, everywhere."

"How am I supposed to walk?" Lucy said, raising her voice a little. It had been a long day.

"You learn" Lily said sternly. "How old are you, Lucy?"

"I'm 17. Just finished Lower Sixth in England."

"Oh, so you'll be going into Senior year. Blair will be a Sophomore this autumn. Cotillion is in Junior year, so you missed it. Oh well, you can come out this year, anyway. I'm on the committee, I'll organise it."

"Uh...thanks?"

"Don't mention it" Lily said, waving her hand.

Lucy stifled a laugh.

Getting home, Lucy winced as she took off her shoes. Bags surrounded her and this was only what had been packed into the taxi. The rest was being delivered later.

Dorota came in.

"Oh, Miss Lucy, so many bags! I will help you to organise closet."

Lucy smiled. "Oh Dorota, I can do it" she said, "I want to match up the bags with what's in them, otherwise I won't know what designer they are."

Dorota smiled fondly at her. "Miss Blair will help."

Dorota and Lucy unpacked her new things into her wardrobe, Dorota exclaiming over the beautiful clothes. Lucy glanced at her old things down one side of the wardrobe. They looked so cheap and shabby, but they were all she had of her old life.

"You want me to get rid of these?" Dorota asked.

Lucy took a deep breath.

"Yes" she said firmly. "I'm here now, and this is my new life."

Later, as she loaded up her new phone, she wondered what numbers to transfer. Sighing, she snapped the old sim card and threw it in the wastepaper basket. Imogen had been the only constant in her life. Instead, she asked Blair, Dorota and Eleanor for theirs, and looked forward to adding more.

She lay on her bed, exploring her new laptop, when an email appeared in her inbox.

**Lucy Waldorf,**

**Let me welcome you to my world. A world of secrets that I will always reveal, one by one. **

**If you are hiding anything, I will find out. And when I do, everyone else on the Upper East Side will know too. **

**I'll be watching**

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy's face whitened and she snapped the computer shut. Who was Gossip Girl and how did she get her email address?

* * *

**What secrets is Lucy hiding? Is Blair being genuine? **

**More of Serena in the next chapter and the beginnings of Nate and Chuck. **

**And coming up...the Shepherd wedding!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to the lights of paris and chelliebear4 for your reviews! **

**And for chelliebear4 and anyone else who is interested, I tried to put a link in but it kept deleting it, so just google Minka Kelly****. **

**Of course, when we first meet her, she's a little scruffy and a lot younger, but still pretty! She is a Waldorf! **

**Hope that helps to visualise her.**

**For those confused about the timeline, I have now corrected this in the previous chapters. We are in 2006.**

* * *

Lucy didn't speak to anyone about the mysterious Gossip Girl. She simply closed down her laptop and went to bed, her mind still spinning. How could anyone have found her email address? And how would they find out anything about her? She slept fitfully, waking around 3am.

She was eating cookies and milk in the kitchen when Blair came down.

"Hungry?" Blair asked.

"Obviously" Lucy sighed. Blair laughed.

"Sorry, it's late" she said. "I like your negligee."

Lucy was wearing a pale blue negligee, to match the colour scheme in her room.

"Lily got like a hundred for me" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Lily can go a bit overboard, but you can't say you aren't happy with what you've got now."

Lucy shrugged. "At least I can match you now" she said. "I looked like a poor orphan cousin before."

Blair laughed again, taking the stool next to her and picking up a cookie.

"Nate said he would call, but he didn't, and I can't sleep."

"Does he usually call?" Lucy asked.

Blair sighed, fixing her gaze forwards, her lips pouting.

"Sometimes. I usually call him, he's so forgetful."

"Blair, I got an email earlier" she began, and Blair looked over, expression resigned.

"Let me guess, Gossip Girl?" she asked.

Lucy gasped.

"How did you know?" she said, squealing. "I got this scary email saying 'welcome, I will expose all your secrets" and they knew my name and everything!"

Blair shook her head. "Gossip Girl reports on everything we do. Me, Serena, Nate, Chuck; all of us. Now you're one of us, so they'll follow you too. Everyone sends in tips and Gossip Girl posts them on her website. You might get snapped buying chocolate by someone who recognises you and it will be on Gossip Girl in ten minutes."

"Well, I'll be very boring for them" Lucy said, "I won't be doing anything scandal-worthy."

"Wait till you've lived here a while" Blair sighed, sounding much older than her 15 years. "I'm guessing that email was why you couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah" Lucy said, "I think I'll be able to now." She stood and headed back upstairs, waving goodnight. She felt a warmth when Blair had said she was one of them that sent her off to sleep quite happily.

Blair looked at the cookie in her hand and set it back down on the table. Food at night, especially fattening cookies, was terrible for her figure. Only Serena could eat what she liked and stay sylphlike.

Blair sighed. Oh, to be Serena van der Woodsen.

* * *

The first full afternoon that Lucy spent with Serena was the first afternoon she understood Blair's behaviour towards her. The girl was magnetic. She commanded attention, believing it her due, and invited adoration. Nate and Blair generally obliged. Nate wholeheartedly and Blair reluctantly, as though by worshipping Serena she was denying herself. Lucy stood apart from the melee, watching Nate chase Serena around her room, Serena giggling infectiously and Blair clapping her hands in delight.

"Get her, Nate!" she cried. Nate caught Serena and tackled her to the ground. Pinned beneath her, Lucy saw his expression of naked desire.

Crap.

Blair didn't seem to notice.

Later, she heard the two talking in the kitchen, while Blair went to the bathroom.

"Last night was so much fun" Serena gushed, then exclaimed, "Nate!"

"What?" he said mischeviously, "that was my whipped cream. And yes it was, although more fun for me, because I beat you."

"Only because you spend your whole life on your xbox."

Lucy frowned. So Nate had been playing games with Serena when he was going to call Blair. They were all friends, but was that normal?

What did she know, anyway?

Nate and Serena came and sat down next to her on the couch.

"I'm glad you and Blair are getting on now" Serena said, "she was being so childish about it. At the end of the day, you're family, and that's what matters."

Nate nodded. "Yeah, I remember Blair being so upset when she thought you didn't want to be her sister."

Lucy sighed. "I didn't know she existed" she said quietly, and the two blondes turned to look at her, shocked.

"I was pretty much locked away" Lucy explained, "I didn't know who my family was, only that the woman who looked after my was my great-aunt. She locked away anything that could give me clues and never gave me enough money to escape. I don't know what she was trying to keep from me. She kept saying the truth would hurt me."

Serena and Nate were silent, listening to her attentively.

"I think it has something to do with my father, because Eleanor and Blair have accepted me with pretty much open arms."

Serena looked thoughtful.

"So you didn't know about your family till..when?"

"Last couple of weeks. When Imogen, my guardian, died, I went through her papers, pieced through the family connection and found Eleanor's atelier address. I flew out five days ago, with the money Imogen left me. I think that was my allowance from Eleanor she had saved up."

"And you're two years older than Blair. Eleanor and Harold had Blair when they were married a year, so Eleanor must have had you, while she was with Harold?"

"No, no" Nate interjected, "They met in June 1990, Blair told me. They married in November 1990, and Blair would have been conceived in February, as she was born in November. When's your birthday Lucy?"

"September 21".

"So, around December 1988, Eleanor was pregnant with Lucy, and by September 1989, she had given Lucy to Imogen and left."

Lucy shook her head, confused.

"So my mum had about nine months after she had me before she met Harold."

"Yes, that's the gap. So no cheating then. That's always a relief."

"Why the secret?" Serena murmured. She turned to Lucy. "There are a lot of secrets kept on the Upper East Side and they all come out sooner or later. We'll figure this out, if you want to know."

Lucy smiled at them both gratefully.

"Thanks."

By the end of the afternoon, she had two new numbers in her cellphone and plans to shop with Serena the following afternoon.

* * *

That evening, Lucy searched for Gossip Girl in her computer. She clicked on the site and started to read. By the end, she felt like she knew her new acquaintances well. Blair was portrayed as a scheming, manipulative bitch who always seemed to make herself look bad, Serena as a wild party girl, amorous and infamous, Nate as a clueless blue blood and Chuck Bass as a playboy cokehead.

Blair saw her looking at some updates about Chuck.

"He's gross, isn't he?" she asked, reading a post about Chuck and a recent conquest.

"He sounds unhappy" Lucy murmured.

"You'll meet him tomorrow, he's coming to my party. We're celebrating becoming Sophomores, though I guess you'll celebrate being a Senior!"

"Oh, will you help me pick out a dress?" Lucy asked. "I still haven't got the hang of that."

Blair snorted. "I know. You nearly went out to lunch in a cocktail dress the other day."

"How am I supposed to know? You all dress up so much, I don't know what's appropriate!"

"You'll get it" Blair placated her.

Lucy wondered when she would get it, and when the first Gossip Girl post about her would come out. She couldn't decide whether she was excited or terrified.

That night, Blair squealed so loudly Lucy thought she was having a fit.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed. A handsome man in his early forties came out of the lift, holding his arms wide.

"I'm back, I'm back" he said as Blair rushed forward to hug him. "Sorry I was away so long. Is your mother here?"

Blair pouted. "Where have you been? And no, she's at the atelier, as usual."

"I've been away, with a friend" Harold said, his eyes landing on Lucy, who stood in Blair's doorway.

"Lucy" he said quietly.

"How did you know it was me?" Lucy asked, charmed by the man's warm, expansive smile and the obvious affection he felt for Blair.

"You have the same eyes as Blair and Eleanor. Big and brown and beautiful."

Lucy smiled.

"Oh, and Eleanor told me you had come" he said, laughing. Lucy joined in. Blair looked jealous as she watched the two of them laughing.

"Daddy!" she cried. "It's been so lonely here without you."

Harold turned back to her and stroked her hair.

"Blair bear, I'm back now. It will all be okay."

Blair smiled triumphantly.

Lucy went to bed early that night, leaving Harold and Blair to catch up. She could hear Blair's delighted, carefree laughter as she fell asleep.

* * *

Lucy put on a pair of Seven For All Mankind jeans and a t shirt the next day, to go shopping. Dorota knocked on her door.

"I have clean clothes for you, Miss Lucy" she said kindly, as she bustled in.

Lucy turned and spread her arms wide.

"Is this suitable for shopping with Serena?" she asked, biting her lip.

Dorota tilted her head to one side.

"I think maybe you should take a nice handbag with it and wear heels. I know you don't like, but everyone wear them."

"Okay, Dorota." Lucy said, resigned.

She was just ready to go when Blair came in.

"Where are you going?" she demanded.

Lucy finished applying her lipgloss.

"Shopping with Serena. To get dresses for the party and the Shepherd wedding."

"I was going to go with you to get that!" Blair screeched. "But of _course _you'd rather go with Serena!"

Lucy held her hands up. "Please, Blair. I thought you'd be busy with your dad! If you aren't, please come."

"Oh, a gracious invitation from Lucy Waldorf, who only two weeks ago lived in a run down house in England with rags for clothes! I'd be _honoured _to accept."

Lucy's eyes flashed with anger and Blair took a step back.

Lucy snapped.

"I've let you walk all over me because you were hurt and because you're spoilt and you love to get your own way, but not any more. Don't take your jealousy of Serena out on me! Just get over it already."

She turned with a sneer and made to leave, but something hit the back of her head. Hard. She winced and turned around.

Blair challenged her with a glance.

"You immature little bitch!" Lucy yelled, running forward and shaking her furiously. Blair yelled.

"Ow, get off! Go back to England!"

"No! You aren't going to push me away, Blair!"

"Don't call me jealous. I am not jealous of Serena."

"Oh please" Lucy sneered.

"I'm not! What do you know anyway?"

Lucy let her go and sank down on the bed. Blair stamped her foot.

"Don't give up!" she said, surprised.

"I'm not, Blair" Lucy said quietly. "Are you coming shopping or not?"

Blair was silent.

"I'll come" she said, almost inaudibly. She left the room.

Fifteen minutes later, they met Serena at Barney's. Blair was still a little subdued. Serena looked gorgeous, as always.

"Isn't he cute?" she said, giggling, as they passed one of the doormen.

"He's a doorman" Blair said scathingly. "Have some class, Serena."

Serena rolled her eyes good naturedly.

"I think Lucy should wear Marchesa" she said, browsing through the dresses.

"This one!" Blair said, pulling out a black and white dress. The white skirt was flowing and the black made intricate patterns on the white. It was gorgeous, but Lucy wasn't convinced.

"I don't think you should wear white to a wedding?" she asked.

"What about this one then?" Serena said, pulling out a short red dress. The skirt was fluffy and short, and the bodice intricately patterned, with gaps where skin would be seen. Lucy's eyes lit up.

"I love it" she said. "Now I just need a pair of Louboutins to go with it!"

Serena laughed and Blair grinned.

"Now you're starting to speak the language" Blair said.

Blair picked a black, lacy dress and Serena, a gold, flowing dress that would make her look golden all over, then they went to pick out their shoes.

They stopped by Starbucks when they had finished and ordered no fat, bone-dry cappucinos.

"Mmm" Blair said, sipping the coffee. "It's lovely drinking something that you know won't add any pounds."

Lucy frowned. Blair couldn't get any thinner. Why was she talking like this?"

"Do you diet, Blair?" she asked her, looking disapproving.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Of course. You have to be disciplined from an early age. If I ate everything I wanted, I wouldn't look like this!"

Serena sighed. "Blair, it's not healthy. Come on, we're ordering lunch."

"Not here, though, I don't like Starbucks food" Lucy said.

They moved to the Waldorf, where they ordered chicken salads and a bottle of champagne.

"Serena, we can't order that" Lucy whispered across the table at Serena, who merely raised an eyebrow.

"We can, don't worry" she said.

The champagne arrived without incident.

"I've never had it before" Lucy confessed, as she sipped the bubbly liquid.

Blair picked at her salad, smiling at them assuredly as she daintily swallowed pieces of chicken and lettuce. When the plate was almost empty, she laid down her napkin.

"Mmm, delicious" she said.

Lucy grinned. "Yes, it is."

Blair and Lucy got home half an hour later and Blair muttered that she had things to do. Lucy, lying on one of the couches downstairs, heard raised voices.

"Harold, how could you?"

"Eleanor, dear, I'm sorry, but I couldn't go on like this anymore. I love Roman."

"If you had left me for a woman, it would have been less humiliating, but you know what people will say!"

"Eleanor, I'm sorry."

The door banged open and Eleanor came out of the dining room, saw Lucy, stopped short, then collapsed on the sofa. Harold headed for the elevator.

Eleanor looked pale, but defiant, as if daring Lucy to say something sympathetic. Lucy didn't.

"Harold will be going away for a while" she said finally. "I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to know him better."

"I'm just thinking of Blair" Lucy said quietly. She moved forwards and awkwardly hugged her mother. Eleanor patted her back half-heartedly. Then Lucy went upstairs.

The water was running in the bathroom and she could hear the sounds of puking. Was Blair ill? Lucy pushed open the bathroom door and saw Blair on her knees before the toilet.

"Blair, are you okay?" she asked.

Blair flushed. "The chicken was bad" she said slowly. Lucy nodded. There were more important things to worry about right now.

"Blair, you need to go downstairs" she said sadly. Blair frowned, then flushed the toilet and washed her hands.

"Okay", she said, "you don't have to act so mysterious."

Blair headed out and Lucy unpacked her shopping, laying her dress for tonight on the bed and her new Marchesa dress in the wardrobe. She checked Gossip Girl. There was a post about her at the top.

**Our new It-girl has been seen shopping up a storm in Barney's with none other than Serena van der Woodsen and her long lost sister, Blair. **

**Be careful not to steal B's thunder, L, or her friend!**

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy rolled her eyes. It seemed Blair's insecurities were known across the Upper East Side. The post was so general, so banal. Who would be interested in reading about her going shopping? There was even a picture of them all looking at dresses and laughing. Who had taken it?

Blair's door slammed. A minute later, she came into Lucy's room, face white.

"Cancel the party" she said, lip trembling.

"If we do, people will want to know why. Are you ready to tell them yet?" Lucy countered.

"I don't care!" Blair yelled. "My father just left my mother for another man. Cancel!"

Lucy sighed. "Ok."

Blair slammed Lucy's door this time.

Lucy wondered how to get word to people she had never met. She had an idea. She found the number to send tips in to Gossip Girl and typed:

**Blair's party at the Waldorf Penthouse has been cancelled. Can you let everyone know?**

She didn't get a reply, but a new post appeared on Gossip Girl in the next half an hour.

**Hey, Upper East Siders, **

**Blair's big bash for the upcoming Sophomore class has been cancelled. Why so fickle, B? **

**And what will she do with all that food she ordered?**

**It's not like she's going to eat it. **

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy gasped. What did she mean? Blair did eat. Lucy had seen her. Today, she ate a whole salad, and she ate dinner most nights. Except, Blair had thrown up today.

"I'll watch her" Lucy whispered. She felt protective of Blair, and wondered why. She had only been her older sister for two or so weeks, and for most of that she had been taking on the role of the little sister. But she did feel protective. She wanted Blair to be happy. Sighing, because Blair, was definitely not happy right now, Lucy got up and went to Blair's room.

"Go away" a muffled voice said. Lucy opened the door.

"No" she said softly. Blair was curled up in the bed, tissues around her. Her eyeliner had smudged and black tear tracks ran down her face. She didn't look so beautiful now.

"I'm going to get you through this, no matter what you do, Blair" she said, lying down so that they were face to face. Blair looked incredibly vulnerable.

"Why are you so nice to me?" Blair asked, confused. "I push everyone away. My mother ignores me, my father is leaving me and Nate is so absent I don't even know whether he loves me anymore."

Lucy decided that it wasn't the time to mention that Nate certainly wasn't being absent with Serena.

"I cancelled the party. I sent a tip in to Gossip Girl and she posted it."

Blair chuckled. "You definitely learn fast."

"To answer your question, I'm your sister. That's why I'm nice to you. I know that while you have had money and friends, your family haven't exactly been perfect. And while I didn't have money or friends, Imogen was always there for me. Too much, sometimes, but she was there and she cared."

"That must have been nice."

"I didn't appreciate it. I was always wondering about my real family."

"What did you expect?"

"Not you" Lucy laughed. "Who could expect you?"

Blair laughed, then cried some more. She reached out and grabbed Lucy's hand.

"I'm glad you're here" she whispered.

* * *

**A bit of vulnerable Blair in this episode. She's such a complicated girl! I'm gradually letting Lucy get more comfortable with her new life, and we'll see more of her personality as we go. **

**Next chapter up soon. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Thank you to LaylaLaRed and .stark for your reviews. **

**and welcome to the new followers. Hope you're enjoying the ride. **

* * *

Lucy and Blair woke the next morning still face to face when Eleanor shouted their names from the doorway.

"Girls, really, that's no way to sleep" she said sternly.

Blair turned and shot her mother a venomous look.

"What did you expect, after you drove Daddy away?" she said, sliding off the bed and into the bathroom.

Eleanor raised a hand to her mouth, covering her trembling lips.

"She doesn't mean it" Lucy said, unsure.

Eleanor sighed wearily. "Yes, she does. I don't have time for this. I'm incredibly busy. Fashion week is coming up and you are starting a new school in a week!"

Lucy sat up properly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Eleanor said sternly. "There's no need to worry about me, I'm fine. I even suspected what Harold was doing" she said airily, but Lucy detected a false note in her voice. She hadn't known. There was no way she could have known that.

Lucy nodded.

"Okay then" she said, wishing Blair was here to interpret Eleanor's mood.

"Good. Well, I'm off to the atelier. Please, sleep in your own beds tonight. I doubt I will be back until late, and then I'm off to Paris on Wednesday to oversee things there."

"Do you even care about us?" Lucy asked suddenly.

Eleanor raised her eyebrows.

"Of course I care about you. Both of you. But we Waldorf women are powerful. I will never be just a mother."

"You haven't even really been that" Blair snapped, coming out of the bathroom. "You never wanted to be."

Eleanor closed her eyes.

"I will see you later" she said quietly, and left.

Lucy turned to Blair.

"Why do you push her away so much?"

Blair looked furious.

"What do you know? You never cared before!"

Her cheeks flushed and her eyes grew bright with anger.

Lucy sighed. Why hadn't Eleanor, or Serena, told her that she hadn't known about her family?

"Blair, listen to me" she started.

"No, no! Get out! Now!"

Lucy stomped out. There was no talking to Blair in this mood, but she had to tell her, sooner or later.

* * *

Lucy and Serena met over coffee, Serena unusually serious.

"Lucy, I didn't know how to tell her. You know it wouldn't have been right coming from me."

"Well, then why hasn't Eleanor? Every time I try to broach the subject, she closes off, says it's all in the past now."

Serena took a bite of chocolate muffin.

"Blair" she said, voice muffled around her mouthful of muffin, "is very defensive. She doesn't like talking about things that have upset her. She would much rather move on than have to hear about it."

"That's so unhealthy!" Lucy said.

"Yes, but you're ridiculously strong. I don't know how you found your family and were with them within a week, holding it all together. You've already tried so hard with Blair."

"She's my sister" Lucy said, bewildered. "Why wouldn't I try?"

Serena smiled fondly at her.

"She doesn't deserve you, and I'm speaking as B's best friend. She's a manipulative, vindictive girl and you just ignore that and focus on her good points. She's lent you a dress! She's always talking about you to me and Nate, saying how great you are. She even said you sound like Audrey Hepburn."

Lucy laughed. "I had no idea, really. Then again, I couldn't have known her before she knew me."

"Just, if you want to know something about Blair, come to me if you like. I'll help you navigate her murky character."

Lucy laughed loudly. "Blair isn't evil, really. Why are you best friends with her?"

Serena looked thoughtful.

"Because, in the end, she's always been there for me. She's got me through some hard times, and despite her many faults, she doesn't judge me. None of us judge each other, we're just there for whatever we need."

Lucy's face fell.

"What is it?" Serena asked.

"I wonder if I'll ever have a group of friends as loyal as you" she said sadly.

Serena grabbed her hand.

"You already do, silly. We're just waiting for a chance to play truth or dare, then once we know all your secrets, you'll be initiated."

Lucy laughed nervously.

"I'm really quite boring compared to the rest of you."

Serena just raised one eyebrow knowingly.

On her way home, her Gossip Girl text alert sounded. She opened the blast:

**Spotted: S and L at a cosy coffee meeting. Something they have in common: absent fathers. At least we know who S's daddy is, but what about L?**

**It's only a matter of time before I find out.**

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy rolled her eyes. She texted Serena: "wtf is up with GG? Such a nosy bitch."

Serena replied: "Haha, don't get me started!"

Blair was reading when Lucy got home.

"Enjoy your date?" she said snidely. Lucy lay across Blair's bed.

"Yes. Oh, Blair?"

Blair sighed. "Yes, dearest sister?"

"When you're ready to grow up and listen to my story, let me know."

She got up and went to her own room, leaving Blair unable to carry on with Pride and Prejudice.

She flung the book down, annoyed.

"Stupid sister coming to ruin everything" she muttered under her breath.

* * *

The day of the Shepherd wedding dawned and Serena was downstairs, already tipsy, as Blair and Lucy got ready.

"It's barely 11 o clock!" Blair exclaimed to Lucy, coming into her room, where Lucy was doing her make up.

"So, we have to leave in an hour" Lucy said, frowning.

"No, no, Serena's getting drunk" Blair said.

Lucy laughed.

"It is a wedding" she said, "calm down, Blair."

Blair stamped her foot. "No, I will not calm down. Serena is out of control!"

Lucy sighed. "I'll sort it out."

She smiled at her reflection. The red dress made her hair look darker and her eyes bigger. Her pale legs looked long and elegant, enchanced by the high Louboutins. She wore red lipstick.

"You need some earrings" Blair said, disappearing into her room. She returned with some pearl drop earrings, which she handed to her. Lucy put them in, noting their faint glow.

"Perfect," she said, "thank you."

Blair smiled faintly. "With a bit of practice, you'll nearly look as good as me" she said snidely.

Lucy just rolled her eyes. She was getting more used to Blair's wit, and she knew now to read between the lines.

She looked good.

Serena was dancing around the lobby, singing at the top of her voice when they came down. Her gold dress swirled about her, long legs showing and hair flying.

"You look beautiful, B!" she cried, hugging Blair, who stood there stiffly.

"Thanks, S" Blair said, reluctantly smiling at her wild best friend.

Nate and Chuck came out of the elevator, both wearing black tuxedos.

"You look positively indecent, Serena" Chuck said sleazily, smirking at her.

"Shut up, Chuck" Serena said nonchalantly, falling on one of the sofas. Nate sat next to her and she turned to him, placing a hand on his knee.

Blair was staring at Chuck, arms crossed.

"Where have you been, Bass?"

"In Europe" Chuck said. "Why, did you miss me Waldorf?"

"You wish" she said slowly, "but you did miss quite a lot."

Chuck turned to look at Lucy, who was texting Eleanor.

"Who's this?" he asked eagerly.

Blair tapped her heel against the floor, expression annoyed.

"This is my sister, Lucy. Lucy, this is Chuck Bass."

Chuck raised an eyebrow. "I did miss quite a lot, it seems."

Lucy shook his hand. He held onto it, and kissed the back of it softly. Lucy wriggled it out of his grasp.

"Nice to meet you" she said. She supposed he was good looking, in a bad boy sort of way. His eyes were so dark they were like pits, deep and empty. His expression was carefully blank. His dark hair fell slightly over his forehead and he wore a scarf with his tux. Blair grabbed it.

"You can't wear that to a wedding" she snapped, throwing it in the hall closet.

"Give it back!" Chuck yelled.

"No" Blair said firmly.

Lucy watched the exchange with interest. The two bickered like they cared about each other and had far more chemistry than Blair and Nate did.

Nate came over.

"Blair, is it time to go yet?"

"No" Blair said, still trying to guard the hall closet door from Chuck. Nate shrugged.

Lucy could smell weed coming from his jacket. He smiled kindly at her.

"Hey Lucy" he said. Sudden realization dawned in his eyes. "I meant to call you. I need to tell you something."

Lucy, rolling her eyes, followed him to the dining room, where he turned to face her, suddenly serious.

"My mum told me that around the time you would have been conceived, Eleanor was in Europe. She was seeing someone quite well known. I don't know who it was, but it's something to go on."

"Thanks Nate" she said, smiling at him. "How are you and Blair? You haven't been around much recently."

"Well, she's been busy with you" Nate said shiftily. "I didn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't have been intruding" Lucy said gently.

"Nate! Lucy!" Blair's voice called. Nate left the room quickly.

They all piled into the elevator, Nate trying to stop Serena pressing _all _the buttons on the way down.

Blair was exasperated. "Honestly Serena, you're such an embarrassment" she snapped finally, as they got into Chuck's limo. He cracked open the champagne when they got inside, and Serena reached for a glass immediately.

"No, Serena, that's mine" Lucy said. Serena pouted.

"Lovely bubbles" she giggled as Lucy drained the glass.

They managed to stop her drinking the whole way.

The wedding was held in a large hotel and every guest there was dressed beautifully. The service itself was boring, but the reception a little more eventful. The Upper East Side elite, away from prying eyes, let themselves go a little. Lily van der Woodsen was flirting with a businessman and Chuck with the mother of one of his classmates. Two other people were letting themselves go quite a bit as well.

* * *

"Nate!" Serena cried, as he chased her into an empty room.

"Oh look, there's a bar!" she laughed, finding a bottle of champagne and climbing up on top. She walked along, swaying her skirts as Nate tried to stop her.

"Serena, come on. Serena, get down."

His entreaties were half-hearted and Serena knew it. Finally, subsiding into giggles, she got down.

Somehow, they were close, too close, and then they were kissing. Kissing furiously, heatedly, like they had wanted to for months, years.

Fuelled by liquid courage, Nate allowed himself to be consumed by his golden girl.

Serena. Her hair, soft and warm, her eyes, a deep cerulean blue. Her long, limber legs, wrapped around his chest and her soft voice murmuring as their mouths pressed together.

Then he was inside her, inside a woman for the first time. Something he had always thought would be with Blair, but he had only imagined with Serena. His Serena.

When it was over, she was pushing him away, tears running down her face.

"Blair. Oh, Blair, what have I done? No, Nate, get off me."

He tried to calm her, to make her see that it would be alright, that Blair would understand, but she wouldn't listen.

She got down and without looking at Nate, fled the room.

Nate felt hollow. She had left him just like she left everyone. He thought he was different.

* * *

Lucy was standing by the bar, sipping a gin martini, (which Blair assured her was marvellous), when a dark haired, handsome man came up to her.

"Hi, Carter Baizen" he said breezily, signalling the bartender. "Can I get you another of those?"

Lucy nodded. She held out her hand.

"Lucy Waldorf" she said.

Carter raised an eyebrow.

"I heard there was another of you floating about. I was sad to hear about Imogen."

Lucy leaned in.

"You knew Imogen?" she said.

"Imogen is a family friend. We used to visit her in London when I was little. Although, I don't remember a baby being there."

Lucy frowned.

"I was there as soon as I was born. That's what my mother told me."

Carter smirked, and handed her a fresh martini.

"Then someone's lying. Unless you were shut in a cupboard, there was no baby at Imogen Astor's house, and I'm only two years older than you."

Blair crossed over.

"Ewww" she said, glancing at Carter. "Please tell me you are not talking to him. Do you know how many girls he's slept with?"

Lucy amused, laughed.

"You talk to Chuck" she teased.

Blair rolled her eyes. "Chuck is one of us. Anyway, I didn't come to talk to you about _him_. Have you seen Nate?"

Lucy scanned the room briefly.

"I can't see him in here. Where else would he be?"

She searched for Serena, but couldn't see her either.

"I'll go look" she murmured, laying a calming hand on Blair's shoulder. "Nice to meet you Carter" she said, smiling.

Carter raised his glass, smirking at Blair, who scowled at him.

Lucy searched the Shepherd's apartment, navigating the drunken guests impatiently. Nate and Serena both gone and alcohol flowing. That could turn into a situation that would hurt Blair a lot. She stumbled into another room with a bar and a balcony. Nate was leaning against the bar, bottle of champagne to his lips and shirt buttons undone.

"Have you seen Serena?" Lucy asked, watching his face flush. She had no proof, but she would bet that Serena had just been here.

"No" he said, shrugging his shoulders as he put the bottle down and did up his shirt buttons.

Lucy stared at him, and Nate flinched as she reminded him of Blair. Lucy was usually so nice, but that look was terrifying.

"Okay" she said slowly. "Blair's looking for you" she said, as she went back to the party.

Behind her, Nate's heart thumped loudly in his chest, certain that she had read his mind with that stare of hers.

Neither of them noticed a figure on the balcony, who had seen everything.

Blair was still not at home when Lucy got back, at around midnight. Her phone went straight to voicemail and she wasn't answering any texts. Lucy tried to sleep, but the sight of Nate in that bar, shirt buttons undone, haunted her and her heart pounded with guilt. Could she have prevented this?

* * *

Blair lay on her bed at midday the next day, groaning.

"Dorota!" she yelled.

Lucy chuckled from the bathroom, where she was applying her make up. The girl really was a brat.

"Yes, Miss Blair?"

"Take this breakfast away. I can't eat it today. And bring me my phone, it's on the nightstand."

Lucy rolled her eyes and walked into Blair's room. Blair was under the covers, moaning. Lucy flung herself on the bed, making Blair squeal.

"Dorota?!" she said, outraged, flipping the covers back off her face.

Lucy laughed at the scandalized look on Blair's face.

"Where were you last night?" Lucy asked. "I tried to ring you."

Blair sighed. "I was with Chuck. He came and found me after you disappeared and I couldn't find Nate or Serena anywhere. We went back to his hotel and I fell asleep."

"I was worried Blair" Lucy said.

"God, you're such a big sister" Blair said, but she was smiling.

Blair took the phone from Dorota and dialled. She frowned as it went straight to voice mail. Then she dialled another number.

"Lily? Hi, is Serena there? We had brunch plans and I was just calling to let her know that I'll be late."

There was silence as Blair listened to Lily.

"No, she didn't tell me. When did she leave?"

"This morning? Thank you, Mrs Van der Woodsen."

Blair hung up, her face pale. She looked at her sister.

"Serena's gone. She's gone to boarding school in Connecticut."

* * *

**Da Da Daaa! Not so much of a cliffhanger to those who know Gossip Girl, but an exciting place to stop anyway!**

**Would you all enjoy a year without Serena, or a time jump after 3 months or so to when she comes back?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I have taken Chapter Five down, and this will be the new chapter five. I wanted to add a few things and delete some others. Some things will stay the same.**

**I apologise to those who have already read. Hope you like the new additions. **

**Without further ado, your new chapter five:**

* * *

Nate and Chuck shared a joint in the park the day after the wedding. Chuck, his trademark scarf around his neck, smirked at his best friend.

"So, Serena's gone? You actually going to talk to Blair now?"

Nate looked confused.

"I don't know what you mean, man" he said. "I talk to Blair, we just aren't one of those clingy couples."

Chuck didn't look convinced.

"When was the last time you went over there?" he asked, one eyebrow raised as he took a long drag.

"Ohh, that's good stuff, Archibald" he said, smiling approvingly.

"Uh, before the wedding" Nate said.

Chuck shook his head.

"Yeah, when you ignored her completely. Look, you got to make up your mind about her. You've been dating since kindergarten and you haven't had sex yet."

Nate ran a hand through his hair.

"That's my business. We've always gone slow, you know that, and I'm not like you."

Chuck looked away, his mind on the scene he had witnessed in that empty bar at the wedding. Not like him, indeed. He decided to try again.

"Look, man, if you have anything to tell me, you know I'm here" he invited.

Nate shrugged. "I know" he said dismissively, taking the joint from Chuck and taking an even bigger drag.

"You're right, this is good stuff" he said, chuckling. "Pot, the answer to all my problems."

Chuck glared, more to himself, but he was annoyed. Why wouldn't Nate tell him? He was Chuck Bass, he didn't judge.

"Well, you know I won't judge, I'm Chuck Bass" he said, grinning. Inside he was seething.

This was the first time his best friend had lied to him. And now he was starting to question his trust in him.

"Ha ha, what does that even mean, Chuck?" Nate said.

Chuck made a face.

"It means I'm Chuck Bass" he shrugged. "It means whatever I do is explained by that one fact."

Nate laughed.

"Whatever, man."

* * *

Nate came to see Blair that evening, flowers in hand. She welcomed him in, calling for Dorota to place them in water.

"Careful, Dorota, they're peonies" she said, smiling sweetly at Nate.

They talked that night for the first time in ages.

"Nate," she began breathily, "there's something I've wanted to tell you for a few days now."

Nate perked up.

"What, Blair?" he murmured. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I...I think I'm ready" she said, eyes wide and shining. She smiled at him.

"For sex?" Nate asked, incredulous.

Blair nodded, her curls bouncing.

"Yes, but I want it to be special. It will be our first time" she said, smiling softly.

Nate was astounded. He had waited years for Blair to be ready, and now, the day after he had lost his virginity to Serena, she was ready. Talk about bad timing.

"Oh, Blair, of course, I want it to be special too" he said.

She fingered the heart shaped pin in the arm of his sweater.

"You wore it" she murmured, looking at him fondly.

He felt his heart beat a little faster. Blair really took his breath away sometimes. He pushed all thoughts of Serena out of his head. She was gone now. Blair was here, had always been here for him. He stroked her hair and leaned in to kiss her. Her mouth was soft and warm and familiar.

She stopped him, as always, when he touched her breast.

"Not now" she whispered. "It has to be perfect."

He sighed, lying back on the bed. Of course, while Blair was always there, she loved to play games.

* * *

Lucy stood by her window, looking out at the lights of the city. Out there, somewhere in the world, was her father. Did he know she existed? Did Eleanor know who she was? How would she ever find out?

And out there somewhere was Serena, fleeing from something she had done. And Eleanor, running away from her pain. Lucy had run to the drama, across the Atlantic Ocean. Or had she run away from her life there? Was New York her boarding school in Connecticut?

She turned to see Dorota coming in with her hot chocolate.

"There you go, Miss Lucy" she said kindly, handing her the mug. Lucy took a big sip.

"Thank you Dorota" she said kindly, "I used to have hot chocolate every night in London, and this really helps me feel at home."

Dorota looked concerned.

"You miss England?" she asked.

"No, I don't know" Lucy said, "it's been great here, but Blair has her own life and I need to make my own here too."

Dorota nodded.

"You need friends" she said.

Lucy laughed.

"I really do!"

Dorota smiled.

"School start in a few days. You will make lots of friends then."

Lucy sighed. "I really hope so, Dorota. I've come barging into Blair's life, whether she wanted me there or not. Eleanor's gone already, so I guess that shows how much she didn't think about me."

Dorota sighed. "Miss Eleanor is hurting. She did think about you."

Lucy only shrugged, her thoughts on Imogen, who had wanted to protect her from something.

She had been so caught up in her new world she had forgotten what came before.

It was time to do some investigating.

* * *

One day before school began, Lucy was perusing the windows of Tiffany's when a familiar voice called her name.

She turned around.

Carter stood there, looking happy and suntanned.

"I've just got back from Guatemala. I'm only in the city for a few days. Are you busy?"

Lucy shook her head.

They walked along Fifth Avenue, Lucy fascinated as Carter spoke about his travels.

"I did mean to ask you," Carter said, "about what we spoke about at the wedding."

"Yes" Lucy said, her mood turning serious. "I'm trying to figure things out. The secrets are really starting to pile up!"

"I'm serious about not remembering you" he said. "I visited when I was 5, when you would have been 3?"

Lucy nodded.

"I played hide and seek with my cousin while my parents and aunt talked to Imogen. We went all over the house, in every room. There was nobody else there."

"Maybe I was away somewhere?" Lucy asked hopefully.

"We stayed for a week."

"But, my earliest memories are of being in that house. I don't remember being anywhere else."

"I'll ask my mum about it" Carter said. "I was only five. Is there anyone you can ask?"

"Imogen's dead, and the only other person who would know is Eleanor."

Lucy stopped still in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Or my father" she said.

Carter frowned.

"But you don't know who he is," he pointed out, "he could be _anyone_, Lucy."

Lucy sighed.

"I'll start by searching the apartment" she said. "Carter, I'll see you later, thanks for your help."

She started to walk away, but Carter stopped her.

"Hey, Waldorf!"

He walked up to her, and taking a pen from his jacket, wrote a number on her arm.

"My number. Call me whenever."

Lucy's heart beat a little faster and she smiled to herself as she donned her sunglasses, walking up Fifth Avenue in the warm sunlight.

* * *

Blair and Chuck were sitting on her bed, papers strewn around them.

"I thought you didn't want to look into Lucy's past?" Chuck asked, trying not to seem too concerned.

Blair looked almost feverish.

"Just because I don't want to hear how she abandoned me, doesn't mean I'm not curious."

"Can't you just ask her?" Chuck asked, exasperated.

"No! She told me to ask her when I'm ready, which means I can't. She'd know how much I care. I have to keep some mystery, Bass. Are you with me or not?"

Chuck sighed.

"I'm with you, of course. Now, what are these?"

"Letters, from Eleanor to an 'H'. Could be Daddy, but wouldn't he just write Harold?"

"Let me see."

Chuck perused the letters.

"Where did you find them? These are really personal."

"In mother's room, at the top of her cupboard. If she isn't here to guard her secrets, I'm going to find them."

Chuck read the letter out loud.

**Dear Eleanor, **

**I still think of Italy every night. The months we spent there were among the best memories of my life. Even though we can only meet socially now, you will always be special to me. **

"Wait" Blair said, "they'll meet socially? Do you think this 'H' is someone we know?"

"Must be" Chuck said slowly. "I hope it's not my dad."

"It's dated February 1989. Lucy was born in September."

"So she could have been pregnant then?"

"Can you count?" Blair said. "Of course she would have been pregnant then. She would have been with Lucy's father in December to conceive her."

"Oh. Well how old would Eleanor have been 18 years ago?"

"She married Daddy when she was 26, so she would have been 24 when she had Lucy."

"Who did she know then? My dad wasn't in their circle then, so that thankfully rules him out, maybe Serena's dad?"

"Oh god. Serena and I already bicker like sisters."

Blair and Chuck were so absorbed in their discussion that they didn't notice Lucy in the doorway.

"Uh, Blair, what are those papers?" she asked curiously, trying to get a closer look.

"Lucy" Chuck said slowly, why don't we go to your room? I've got something I'd like to show you."

He raised one eyebrow suggestively.

"Ewww" Blair said, "no, she will not be alone in her room with you!"

"Is someone jealous?" Chuck drawled, trailing his eyes down Blair's body.

She fidgeted.

"Stop that, Chuck. I feel violated and you aren't even touching me."

"Would you like me to?" he asked suggestively.

"Guys!" Lucy yelled, before they could carry on. "What is going on?"

She walked over to the bed and picked up one of the pieces of paper. Her lips formed the words silently as she read.

"Where did you find this?" she demanded. "Why were you doing this behind my back?"

Blair grabbed the letter back.

"We were helping you!" she said. "We wanted to find out who your father was!"

"It's none of your business!" Lucy said, gathering up all the papers and putting them back in the box.

"I will look at these" she said. "Blair, you made it quite clear you have no interest in my past. Come to me and ask if you're interested."

She left the room, closing the door firmly behind her.

Chuck and Blair looked at each other.

"Well, that backfired" Chuck said, amused. Blair swatted him on the arm.

"Bass-tard" she growled. "You didn't back me up at all!"

"Oh and I'm sure if Nate were here, he would have done so" Chuck said, a trace of bitterness in his tone.

"Nate is a gentleman, of course he would" Blair said haughtily.

Chuck rolled his eyes. Some gentleman Nate was.

"Well, thanks for coming, Bass, but I need to get my beauty sleep now" she said, dismissing him.

Chuck leered.

"Can I join you?" he asked.

"No!" Blair squealed. "Get out! I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Chuck chuckled softly.

"See you, Blair" he said, leaving her to her rest.

Blair texted Lucy before heading off to sleep.

_I'm sorry. _

* * *

Hours later, Lucy sat wide eyed in the middle of the bed, papers strewn about her.

If her suspicions were correct, she had just filled in a big blank of her life.

She dialled a number.

"Mum, you need to come home" she said, her voice echoing over the transatlantic connection.

* * *

On her first day at Constance Billard, Lucy was exhausted. Blair, chipper and demure in a red headband and pleated kilt, oozed dominance as soon as she entered the building, but Lucy, unburdened by any desire to rule, simply headed to homeroom and sat down in an empty seat.

The girl in the seat next to her smiled briefly, then turned back to her book.

Lucy checked her phone. There were a few blasts from Gossip Girl. She clicked on the latest one.

**Welcome to a new year, Upper East Siders, **

**I am delighted to be back, ready for a new year of scandals, gossip and betrayal. **

**NOT SPOTTED: Serena van der Woodsen, off the map and out of my reach. For now. **

**Good luck, B. Maybe this year will be yours. With Queen S out of the way, can you climb to the top?**

**Bye for now, **

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy still hadn't got used to the blasts. Gossip Girl involved herself in everything. She looked around the room. It could be any of these girls.

She looked at the girl next to her. Her red hair curled slightly, falling to just below her shoulders. She was reading intently.

"Hi, I'm Lucy" she said, smiling. The girl looked up, then smiled in recognition.

"Oh, yes, there was a photo of you on Gossip Girl yesterday. Lucy Waldorf, right?"

"There was a photo of me?" Lucy said. "What was it?"

The girl laughed. "Don't worry, you looked fine. It was with Carter Baizen and he was writing his number on your arm."

Lucy blushed. "Oh, right" she said.

"My name's Tinsley Avery," the red-haired girl said, smiling. "You're new, right?"

"Yes, I moved from England this summer. It's a bit of a challenge, starting a new school!"

"Oh, there's a girl who did an exchange with a school in England last year," Tinsley said. "She's back this year."

"What school did she go to?" Lucy asked.

"Marlborough, I think it was called" Tinsley said. "She's really popular, it was a bit of a surprise when she went. A bit like Serena really."

Lucy felt dread creeping through her veins.

Just then, she heard a familiar laugh from behind her and turned around instinctively.

Callie Mason stood there. The girl who had made her life hell for the last year at school. Callie spotted her and an expression of glee came over her face.

"Why, it's Loopy Lucy!" she said.

Another voice, cold and frightening, came from the door.

"What did you just call my sister?" Blair said, smiling coldly.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I spent quite a while on this chapter, getting it just right. Things are obviously getting complicated, and we're only in the first week of term. There's lots more to come, years and years! I'm interested in knowing what you, the readers, would like to see more of. Serena will have to come back at some point, and then we'll start on the events we all know so well. Are you liking these parts before the TV show begins, or are you all aching to get to what you know?**

**Anyway, without further ado, I give you Chapter 6:**

* * *

Blair stood in the doorway of the senior class, flanked by Kati and Iz. She stared at the prissy girl who had _dared_ to call her sister names.

She looked at Lucy, who though calm, looked upset. How did this girl know her?

"And who are you?" Callie said, staring her down.

"I'm Blair Waldorf" Blair said, smiling arrogantly. She placed one hand on her hip.

The other girls in the room fell silent and starting watching what was unfolding.

Callie frowned. "I don't think I know who you are. Remind me why I should leave Loopy Lucy alone?"

Lucy stood.

"Blair, it's fine, I can handle it" she said, her voice wavering, but Blair shot her a look.

"What's her name?" Blair asked Iz, who whispered something in her ear. Blair smiled and took a step forward, looking intently at Callie.

"Callie, is it? Even if you don't know who I am, everyone else here does. You've obviously been away, or you wouldn't be talking to me like this!"

Blair laughed lightly.

Callie sneered, but noted the serious expressions of the girls around her. Nobody was standing up for her.

"And Lucy? She's my sister. So if you have a problem with her, please, share it with us."

Callie looked at Lucy, then back at Blair. She flinched.

"I was at school with Lucy in England last year. She was...just so easy to pick on. No friends, no backbone."

Callie, despite the situation, still managed to look amused.

Blair glared.

"When we caught her having some sort of fit on the bathroom floor, we started calling her Loopy Lucy."

Lucy looked down as Blair questioned her with a glance.

"Also, since when has she been a Waldorf? When I knew her, her name was Lucy Astor."

"I can speak for myself" Lucy said firmly. "Blair, thank you, but this has been overdue for a year."

Blair raised an eyebrow, but stepped back.

Callie laughed. "Oh this will be good" she said. "Little Lucy trying to stand up for herself."

Lucy's cheeks flushed and she started to speak, heatedly.

"You picked on me the moment you entered that school. I don't know what it was about me that you didn't like. I stayed out of everyone's way and never did anything to harm anyone. And yet, you chose me! And, at my weakest point, you walked away and used it to mock me further."

Callie looked around the room. The girls' looks were less than friendly, and they were all directed at her.

"I could have died that day" Lucy said quietly, but everyone in the room heard. Blair looked at her, shocked. "I could have died, never knowing I had a sister, and that would have been on your head! So, let that rest on your conscience."

Lucy turned and left the room, pushing past Blair's minions. Blair, thunderstruck, could only recall one sentence.

_"I could have died, never knowing I had a sister."_

Why hadn't she talked to Lucy when she had the chance? Why hadn't she listened?

The Gossip Girl blast hit ten minutes later, the anonymous blogger obviously excited about the altercation.

**SPOTTED: B and one of her victims in a face-off. But where did L come from? Cutting B off like that will have consequences, even if she is family. **

**Kudos to L for flattening her opponent. But what's this about L not knowing about B's existence?**

**Family drama is always exciting to watch. **

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

* * *

Lucy spent that day avoiding attention. Her temper had got the better of her and the looks directed her way were full of trepidation. She managed until lunch, when Blair, more white faced than usual, stopped her in the corridor.

"Lucy, I didn't know. I'm sorry I didn't listen" she said, pleading with her.

Lucy shook her off.

"Well, now I'm not ready to speak to you" she snapped.

She walked off, Blair looking after her, shocked.

Kati and Iz exchanged glances, their meaning clear. When was the last time someone had snapped at Blair and got away with it?

Blair looked at them both, daring them to say anything.

Callie stopped Lucy later, after fourth period, when all she wanted was to go home, or start again in anonymity.

"Lucy," she began, "I just want to say, shall we leave it all in the past now?"

Lucy looked at her, at her weak, scared face. She still didn't care what she'd done to Lucy, just how it would affect her popularity now.

"No, I don't think so" she said slowly, enjoying the look on Callie's face as she walked away.

She sat at lunch with the red-haired girl, Tinsley, who, although quite serious and obsessed with getting into Harvard, was a nice girl.

After some polite small talk, Tinsley took a deep breath.

"I really admire you for how you stood up to Callie. She was always quite mean when she was here, really jealous and vindictive."

Lucy sighed, confused.

"The thing is that seems to be the way everything works here. Blair is mean, and she uses that to her advantage. I really don't understand this whole hierarchy thing. You're a huge bitch, but everyone wants to be your friend?"

Tinsley rolled her eyes and laughed.

"Basically, if you want to be popular, you have to do what the Queen says. See that girl over there, the 8th grader?"

Lucy looked at a girl with light blonde hair down to her shoulders.

"Her name is Jenny. She's been trying to get in with Blair. She's only just begun, carrying library books, that sort of thing, but it will soon progress to ignoring or victimising whoever Blair chooses."

"Like a slave?" Lucy asked.

Tinsley laughed. Her blue eyes twinkled and she smiled properly. It was the first time Lucy felt the girl had dropped her guard around her.

"Yes, but everyone has a choice. If you can't be bothered with it, then you don't have to. I don't know how it's going to work with you being Blair's sister."

"No way am I going to be Blair's little follower" Lucy scoffed.

Tinsley smiled approvingly.

"Then you need to talk to her" she said. "Everyone is attracted to strength, so people are going to follow someone and Blair doesn't let people treat her without respect."

Lucy sighed and changed the subject, but she knew she couldn't avoid Blair forever.

* * *

She studied hard that evening, locked in her room. She took a quick break to transfer Carter's number from her arm to her phone, smiling. Blair knocked a few times, but when Lucy ignored it, she didn't intrude. Finally, Lucy heard the rustle of paper being pushed under her door. She went over and picked up the envelope.

"Typical Blair" she muttered. She could smell Chanel No 5. She slid the letter out, which fairly stank of the perfume and unfolded it.

_Darling Lucy,_ it began, in elegant, cursive script.

_I am not used to having a sister, especially one so kind as you. I saw red today, when that despicable girl was setting you up for ridicule. I could sense your fear and needed to step in. _

_It sickens me that you went through that by yourself, far away. _

_I have always been able to stand up for myself, being brought up by Eleanor Waldorf, the strongest woman I know, but I know your experience has been different to mine. _

_I am not strong, though, because I refused to listen to you. I had grown so used to hating you, rejecting you, that when you came, I didn't want to hear about why you had done it. Eleanor, and now my dad and Serena, have abandoned me enough. _

_And now I know the truth. You didn't know about me? I feel myself wanting to know the whole story now, but I promise to wait until you are ready. You let me come to you, so I will do the same. _

_I was so proud of you today, _

_B_

Lucy found herself crying as she finished the letter. Blair, left by everyone. Lucy, kept from everyone. Could they ever get over that?

She stood and went into Blair's room. Blair was sitting at her dressing table and Lucy saw her tears before she brushed them away and turned around.

"Lucy" she said nervously.

Lucy sat down on Blair's bed.

"If you want to hear, be quiet and listen."

Blair looked mutinous, but nodded.

"My earliest memory is in Imogen's house in London. She was holding me in her lap and we were watching a cartoon. She told me when I was younger that my family didn't want me, when I asked, and that's what I grew up believing. In primary school, when I would make a friend, she would refuse to let them come round and play, and they soon grew tired of making all the effort when I wouldn't reciprocate. As I grew older, she made it so impossible for me to have anyone else in my life that it became easier for me just to be alone.

"I never knew who you were, and anyway I could have found out was in her letters, which she kept locked up. It was only her death which released them to me, as well as the money Eleanor paid each month for my care. She never gave any of it to me.

"Imogen loved me, in a possessive, crushing way, but she cared. It didn't leave any room for anyone else. She would hand out £50 every now and again for my clothes, or for books, anything I needed. I didn't get anything else.

"I hope you can understand me more now. I've come to you with nothing, and I'm determined to have you as my sister."

Blair nodded.

"What did Callie do to you? And what was that fit she was on about?"

Lucy took a deep breath.

"Callie just bullied me, pretty much. And the thing is, nobody stopped her. I'd been at that school for years, but they all followed exciting, glamorous Callie from New York when she decided she wanted me humiliated. My bags were emptied on the floor, my locker trashed, ink spilt on my uniform, nicknames. Then one day, I was offered a sweet. They told me it was peanut free and everyone knew I was allergic to peanuts. I ate it just before I went in the bathroom. They found me there, choking, and laughed. Thankfully, a teacher came and I was revived."

"They...laughed? Lucy, as mean as I am, I would never do that."

Lucy looked at her seriously.

"I know you wouldn't do that, but I don't like the way you treat people, Blair."

Blair bit her lip.

"Serena did it, in a careless way and everyone loved her for it! They wanted to be her! People follow me now because they're scared of what I'll do to them."

Blair sounded like she was pleading. Lucy stood her ground.

"I just know what it's like on the other side. I won't be joining your little game. Leave me out of it."

Blair stood.

"Lucy, you'll threaten me if you do that! I'm really sorry about what happened to you, but you can't just defy me!"

Lucy laughed.

"Blair! Can you hear yourself? Is that the most important thing I just said? You know what, I wish I hadn't told you. I know someone who will listen without thinking of their own agenda and I don't need you."

She turned and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

Lucy walked into school the next day with indignation in her veins.

Callie, who was in three of her classes, left her alone, smiling apologetically whenever she saw her. Lucy, still undecided as to how to treat her, and disgusted by the reason behind her sudden change in behaviour, ignored her.

She spent the day with Tinsley, who she was growing to like more and more. They discussed the books they loved, colleges, their favourite TV shows and made plans to meet up over the weekend. Lucy found herself laughing more than she had in ages.

"So, Lucy" Tinsley began, her deep blue eyes boring in Lucy's brown ones. "I have a question I want to ask you."

A smile played around Tinsley's lips. Lucy felt a bit nervous.

"What?!" she squeaked.

"Do you fancy Carter?" she asked, taking a bite of her apple and raising an eyebrow. Her hair looked even redder today, the curls blowing across her face in the wind. She looked like Rose from Titanic, Lucy thought.

"What? No!" Lucy cried, going as red as her friend's hair. Tinsley laughed, the infectious sound making Lucy join in.

"That photo on Gossip Girl tells a different story. I can see you blushing when he's writing on your arm."

"But he's so old!" Lucy protested.

"Only 19!" Tinsley countered. "You're seventeen, eighteen soon?"

"In a couple of weeks" Lucy said, "on the 21st September."

"So, that's not an age gap at all, really. Very respectable. If he went out with someone your sister's age, well that would be different."

Lucy suddenly remembered something.

"Serena dated him briefly" she said, mortified. How could she even think about Carter? Serena seemed like one of those girls that you just didn't get over.

"Oh, and Blair said he's slept with loads of girls" she added.

Tinsley looked at her, head tilted to one side, as if considering.

"Yeah, you definitely fancy him," she decided, "you keep making up excuses not to like him, but you do."

Lucy put her head in her hands. When she emerged, she looked resigned.

"It doesn't matter. He wouldn't look at me twice anyway. Innocence and experience can't exist side by side."

Tinsley smiled in recognition.

They had discussed William Blake the day before, and it had sparked a philosophical debate about what was more attractive: innocence or experience, and whether you could retain one by exploring another.

"You know, for Blake, innocence was freedom and experience constraint" Tinsley said to Lucy, who nodded slowly.

"I know. Yet why don't I feel free?"

They had to end on that question, because the bell for the end of lunch went, and the crowds of students made talking impossible. Lucy sat through the last two periods debating whether or not to call Carter.

After school, she decided to go for it. She hid around the corner from school, anxious not to run into Blair or anyone else, and dialled.

He picked up after two rings.

"Hi?" he said.

"It's Lucy" she said, suddenly shy.

She could hear him smiling as he spoke.

"Lucy, hi. You busy now?"

"No, just finished school."

"Wait outside."

Lucy was nervous as she hung up.

He was there fifteen minutes later, when most people had gone. He sauntered up, a grin on his face, which managed to look wicked. Lucy resisted the desire to squirm.

"What's up, Waldorf?" he said.

He offered his arm, and she took it. They started walking, the autumn leaves crackling on the sidewalk beneath their feet. Lucy poured out everything that had happened over the last few days, the altercation with Callie, what it had been like at Marlborough with her, finding Chuck and Blair with the letters, wondering who her father was and Serena leaving.

"What I really need is for you to take a look at the letters. I feel like I've missed something, and it's probably because I don't know everyone's names, so it would be good, I mean, if you don't mind.." she said, stumbling a little over her words.

"Of course," Carter said easily, cutting off her awkward rambling. "Now, about all your other problems. Let's go get dinner and we can talk about it all."

Lucy blushed. She had only ever had crushes before. It wasn't like she'd ever spoken to them. When boys had talked to her, or asked her out, she had always been too tongue-tied to say a word. But from the moment she met Carter, he had invited her confidence. She felt comfortable, (yet slightly, pleasantly nervous) around him.

"Okay," she said quietly.

Carter smiled to himself, but wondered what exactly kept drawing him back to Lucy Waldorf, a shy, innocent girl who was his complete opposite.

* * *

Over dinner, something complicated and posh that Lucy was having trouble eating politely (her food kept falling off her fork and when her mouth was full, he _would _choose that moment to ask a question), they talked about bullying.

Carter, looking at Lucy, whose beautiful brown eyes looked at him, uncertainty in their depths, marvelled that she had been targeted.

"I just don't get it" he said, "you're pretty, you're nice and kind."

Lucy laughed, a harsh sound that made Carter feel suddenly nervous.

"That's three reasons just there. Callie decided she needed a scapegoat, someone to mock who wouldn't fight back. She chose me. Doesn't matter how I look, but what I'd do. There was no danger in picking on me."

"So she's a bitch then" Carter said, smiling at her. "But why did you let her?"

Lucy looked ashamed.

"I had no one" she confessed, eyes swimming with tears. Carter longed to hold her, to comfort her somehow. "The first time Callie picked on me, it was in class and the teacher was trying not to laugh. Nobody stood up for me. I don't know why I didn't stand up for myself. Instead, I just hid."

Carter reached across the table and grabbed her hand.

"But you did stand up for yourself yesterday" he said, smiling, and she smiled too, a huge, proud smile.

"Yes, I did" she said. "And Blair stood up for me too."

Carter squeezed her hand.

"I don't want to go to Cambodia" he said. "Why go there, when I could be here, becoming your friend?"

There was a small silence.

"Do you want to come and look at those letters with me?" Lucy asked, changing the subject. Her heart suddenly beating so rapidly she thought it would burst. Had she been too forward?

Carter nodded. "Sure, I can help you out" he said, withdrawing his hand.

They were quiet on the way back.

She was pacing the room an hour later while he sat and read the letters, again and again. Finally, he sat up and looked at her.

"I think I know who it is, Lucy" he said. "When did you say Eleanor would be back?"

"She should be back today, if she left when she said she would."

Lucy looked scared now.

"This is going to hit the Upper East Side like a ton of bricks, perhaps break up a marriage."

Lucy sighed.

"Oh god, just tell me, please."

He took her hand and sat her down.

"Lucy, I think your dad is Howard Archibald, Nate's dad."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Many requests for more CB in this chapter and I understand your desire, so more CB you shall get. A bit of lightness sprinkled among the 'Who's my Daddy?' drama. **

**Hope you enjoy. **

**Thank you to CHAIRR10, Guest, Hunnerup, LaylaLaRed and elizabeth_mary_stark for your wonderful reviews. **

* * *

Lucy stared at Carter in horror.

"Tell me you're joking" she said.

Carter looked like he was in pain.

"I'm so sorry, Lucy. Look, I'll go through it for you."

He spread the letters out on the bed, in some sort of order.

"This first one here, written in November 1988, speaks of looking forward to an upcoming tryst. Jetting off to Italy. The next one is dated February 1989, getting all romantic about how amazing their tryst was. Eleanor would have been pregnant then. He writes again in October of that year, saying how glad he is that Eleanor is back in the city. You would have been a month old. In the next one, he says he's proposed to his fiance. He says that if Eleanor doesn't love him, he'll marry someone who does. The letter dated June 1990 refers to her meeting Harold and how hard it is to see them together. His fiance suspects nothing, he said. In July 1990, the letter speaks about their wedding, that he didn't feel welcome and that his fiance's father disapproved of him utterly. He speaks of his fiance's brother, who is a prominent lawyer and is looking to go into politics. They have a 3 year old son. In September 1992, when you would have been 3, he says that he is keeping 'our daughter' safe, away from a woman who is harming her. And that he will never speak to her again after she hid a child from him. Then the letters stop."

Lucy started breathing quicker, until she couldn't control it and sobbed. Carter rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her, calming her down.

"Sshh" he murmured, as he patted her back, getting her to slow down her breathing. Lucy's eyes were wild.

"My father had me" she whispered, "but where was I? And what did she mean about Imogen hurting me, and if so, why did Imogen get me back?"

Carter shook his head, helpless.

"I don't know" he said. "But we'll find out, if you want to."

The door swung open and Eleanor stood there.

"What is going on here?" she asked.

Lucy couldn't look at her. Carter got up.

"I'll see you later, Lucy" he said softly. Lucy smiled at him, grateful.

As Carter was walking down the staircase, he saw Blair at the bottom, arms crossed.

"Carter Baizen, what are you doing in my house?" she demanded, blocking his way out.

"Seeing your sister" he said, smirking.

"Stay away from her" Blair hissed. "You're not good enough for her."

Carter raised an eyebrow.

"She may be the reforming of me" he said thoughtfully.

"She's not Mother Teresa" Blair said scornfully, "she's a girl, too good for you. Just give up now."

Carter rolled his eyes and pushed past her.

As he got into the elevator, he said: "I'll be here as long as she wants me, Blair, and I wouldn't try to control her. You know it won't work."

* * *

Eleanor sat beside Lucy on the bed.

"You know," Eleanor said, seeing the letters on the bed.

"Howard Archibald?" Lucy asked. "Is it really true?"

Eleanor smiled sadly.

"Yes, it's true. We went away together on holiday. I was 24, he was 28. He met Anne in March, three months after we went away, when I had gone to have the baby quietly in England. I didn't want people to find out. He proposed to Anne when I rejected him, in October. I met Harold in June and loved him immediately. He swept me away."

Eleanor smiled wistfully.

"Did you ever love Howard?" Lucy said.

Eleanor was silent for a while. "I liked him, but I didn't love him. I didn't want him involved with all this, especially when he met Anne."

"How did he find out about me?" Lucy asked.

"I don't know. All I do know is that last letter. He never wrote to me again. I called Imogen, who said that you were safe with her. I checked in with Imogen every week to see how you were doing."

"That's not being a mother" Lucy said. "I'm sorry, I'm glad I know and everything, that all the mystery is over, but I've just realised all over again that you abandoned me. At least my father didn't know, for a while."

"I love you" Eleanor said, "and I thought you didn't want me either!"

Lucy stood up, and walked to the window. She was sick of all the twisted logic that Blair and Eleanor spouted. Eleanor thought Lucy didn't want her so she didn't try, Blair had to boss Lucy around so she could keep her status. Why did they think it was acceptable to treat people this way? Why had she even come?

"Get out" she said quietly to Eleanor.

"Please, Lucy. I can't change the past, but I want to make it up to you."

"Just go!" Lucy sobbed, yelling at her. When Eleanor had gone, she threw the letters off her bed onto the floor and crawled under the covers.

Dorota found her there an hour later, coming in to bring her hot chocolate.

"Miss Lucy" she said quietly, noticing the mess on the floor. She put the hot chocolate on the nightstand and gathered up the papers. Lucy emerged from the covers.

"Dorota," she sobbed, "why is everyone so messed up here?"

Lucy looked so broken that Dorota drew Lucy to her, hugging her. Lucy felt loved and safe. Dorota started humming, then spoke softly to her.

"Miss Lucy, your family are hurting. Miss Blair is stubborn and broken and you are doing so much good with her. She is much nicer already. Miss Eleanor is hurting because of Mr Harold and she doesn't know how to love you. Me, I know how to love, so I will love you. They will learn."

Lucy smiled contentedly.

"I love you Dorota," she said quietly.

"You love your mother and Miss Blair too," Dorota said firmly. "Tomorrow we can start again, okay? But now, drink your hot chocolate."

Lucy drank, then said goodnight to Dorota. Before going to sleep, she texted Carter.

_Thanks for today. I'm glad to have you as a friend. L. _

He texted back a few minutes later.

_Not as glad as I am. I have a surprise for you tomorrow. Carter x_

Lucy fell asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

Lucy was just getting out of bed the next morning and heading for the bathroom when she heard Blair throwing up. She frowned. That was a bit early, what could she have eaten?

She pushed open the door and stood there. Blair was on her knees, her fingers down her throat. Lucy slowly withdrew and headed downstairs in her robe.

Dorota was just bringing fresh pancakes to the table.

"Good morning, Miss Lucy! Miss Blair has already had good breakfast, I make sure. She eat pancakes, and bacon and syrup and strawberries! I make fresh pancakes for you."

Lucy paled. So it was true.

"I'm not hungry, Dorota, and I'm running late. I'd better go and get ready."

She turned and ran back up the stairs, Dorota standing there with the pancakes, bewildered.

Blair knocked on her door twenty minutes later.

"I have a proposition" she said, smiling weakly. Lucy nodded silently and Blair came in. Blair looked pale, Lucy thought.

Lucy continued getting ready for school, pulling on a clean white blouse and kilt, and her white knee socks. She packed another outfit into her school bag. She would stay out as late as possible tonight, in case Eleanor wanted to talk. She couldn't see her right now and she needed help trying to figure everything out. When should she tell Blair about Howard?

"How would you like to be co-Queen?" Blair asked brightly. Lucy looked at her incredulously.

"What? You heard me. I have no interest in your little game!"

She started brushing her hair. Blair sighed.

"Just hear me out. You won't have to do a thing."

Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Ok, Machiavelli, go ahead."

Blair grinned.

"Well, after the events the other day, people have been saying that you should be queen instead of me. Apparently, while my intimidation of Callie was good, it's you she's scared of now. The fact that you're my older sister has also got people talking. They think you should be queen this year. I'm losing my influence!"

"But I don't want to be!" Lucy protested.

"I know. Basically, I'm offering you a figurehead position. You back me up silently, and if you think anything is too much, tell me privately, and I'll do all the work and people will stop thinking you're challenging me."

Lucy opened her mouth to retort, but Blair continued.

"I am aware that I am a selfish person and that my reaction the other day was that of a spoilt brat. I'm horrified that someone treated you that way, L. I never want it to happen again and this is a way to ensure that. I'm trying to help you the way I know best. I love that you came to find me and I should have done the same. You knew about us for less than a week and you came to find us, fearlessly. We always knew about you, but thought you'd rejected us, so didn't bother with you."

"Instead, you rejected me" Lucy said.

Blair bit her lip.

"Yes. But I want to put all of it behind us, if you do. I want you as my sister."

"As your equal? I'm not going to deal with all your jealousy. You're amazing, you have no need to be jealous of anyone else, or to hate yourself."

Lucy looked serious as she said, it, eyes fixed on Blair's.

"As my equal" Blair said, eyes shining. Impulsively, she hugged Lucy. Lucy hugged her back and sighed.

"There's so much more we need to talk about", Lucy said, thinking of the truth about her father and her suspicions about Blair's eating habits.

But for now, she just held her sister, promising silently to keep her safe.

"Ahhh, we're going to be late!" she said, looking at the clock.

They arrived at school just as the bell rang. Lucy felt flustered, but Blair looked as calm and collected as ever.

Lucy pulled Blair to one side as they ran down the corridor, pulling her to a stop.

"I'll do it" she said, catching her breath. "I'll be queen with you."

Blair grinned.

"We'll be unstoppable!" she said, eyes gleaming.

Lucy shook her head as she went to Homeroom. The girl was a power-hungry maniac.

* * *

By break, everyone knew. Tinsley came up to her in the courtyard, where she was surrounded by people. She pulled her aside.

"I'm not going to be Blair's little follower?" she mocked. "Since when are you part of the entourage?"

Lucy flushed.

"I'm her equal" she snapped. "Get off your high horse."

"Her equal?" Tinsley asked, confused. "That's not what Gossip Girl says."

Lucy checked her phone.

**Hey Upper East Siders, **

**B has a new handmaiden. Her own sister L. Where's your pride gone, L? Does that belong to your little sister now, along with your freedom?**

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy gaped.

"Excuse me" she said, pushing through the crowds of sycophantic girls to reach Blair.

"I need to talk to you" she said, eyes flashing. Blair nodded.

When they were alone, Lucy hissed at her furiously.

"Your handmaiden? Blair, what exactly did you tell Gossip Girl? There's no equality in that blast!"

"I got Iz to send it in" Blair whispered. She checked Gossip Girl and read the blast with shock.

"Oh God, she didn't. Why do I trust these people?"

Her expression grew furious.

"We're going to make her regret the day she was born," she said. "We'll both text Gossip Girl now, okay?"

They both texted her, fingers working furiously. Blair smiled at her sister, her expression open and warm.

"Dinner tonight?" she said.

"I'm not sure," she said. "Carter has a surprise for me."

Blair didn't look happy. "Be careful with him" she said. "He gets his claws into a girl, sleeps with her, then moves on. I don't want that happening to you."

"It won't" Lucy promised. "I'm not stupid."

But was she stupid? What did she really know about Carter?

Chuck appeared.

"Waldorf," he drawled, standing closer to Blair than was socially appropriate. Lucy raised an eyebrow.

Blair was smiling quietly to herself, eyes half closed.

"Blair?" Lucy asked, amused.

Blair's eyes snapped open and an exaggerated expression of disgust appeared on her face.

"God, Chuck, do you have any boundaries?"

Chuck leaned away, feigning innocence.

"Sorry Blair, I didn't realise my presence affected you that much." He smirked. Blair rolled her eyes.

"What do you want, Bass?" she snapped.

"You" he said suggestively, raising an eyebrow.

Blair's porcelain cheeks coloured slightly.

"I need your help with something" he said. "Desperately."

Blair looked excited.

"Now, or can it wait until after school?"

"After school. Meet me at my limo. Be ready for anything."

Chuck smiled at Blair, a smile so potent and confident that her knees trembled slightly.

"See you there" she said, trying to act nonchalant.

When he had sauntered off, Blair turned to Lucy, who looked very amused.

"What?" Blair snapped.

"I can't wait for the day you dump Nate" Lucy said, then flinched. Nate was her brother now.

"What?" Blair laughed. "Nate is my one and only."

She seemed to be convincing herself.

Their phones bleeped.

**Dear Upper East Siders, **

**L has graduated early. To Queen, alongside her sister, B. Not another minion, as I was falsely informed. Why so diplomatic, B? **

**Congratulations, L, let's hope your reign will be a pleasant one. I pity the informant who sent in the wrong news. With B and L both on the case, not even scavengers will want the remains. **

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy grimaced.

"Blair, you do know I'm only doing this for you."

Blair looked up at her, expression blank, which sent warning bells to Lucy's brain.

"Of course," she said sweetly. "I'll see you later, L."

Lucy stood there for a minute, trying to read Blair. Sighing, she gave up.

For the rest of the day, she concentrated on her work. Taking all AP classes was a burden, but a necessary one if she wanted to get into an Ivy. The trouble was, she didn't know what she wanted to do. A few months ago, she had no idea she would be attending college in the USA, but now, in less than a year, she would be off to Masachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey, New Hampshire or Rhode Island. Or community college, if it all went wrong.

She met Tinsley outside her fourth period class.

"Hi," Tinsley said, unsure of her reception. "I'm sorry about earlier."

Lucy laughed. "No, you were right. If I had done that, I would have deserved your censure."

"Good SAT word that" Tinsley said, smiling.

They went into class together, switching from the world of Gossip Girl and difficult families to one where they could discuss Hemingway and Fitzgerald.

* * *

After school, Lucy and Blair go their separate ways. Lucy to change in the bathroom, into a silky, 50s style dress and Blair, to slide into Chuck's limo in her school uniform, shivering slightly at the dark decadence of the interior, with its seemingly endless supply of champagne.

Lucy, met by Carter in a white Bentley, flowers handed to her as she got in and a gentle kiss pressed to her temple.

Blair, reduced to trembles from Chuck's dangerously seductive eyes, his deep, sensual voice explaining the plan.

His father was seeing someone, and he needed to find out who.

Blair, relishing the challenge, unconsciously licked her lips. Chuck's pupils dilated.

Carter and Lucy, at the Boathouse in Central Park, Carter presenting her with a white gold necklace from Tiffany's.

A key dangled from it. He didn't explain his choice.

Chuck and Blair in Chuck's hotel room, going through the security footage. Blair, pacing, logically working through the facts Chuck had given her.

Chuck watching her, their eyes meeting, the space suddenly seeming too small.

Nate calling as she was just getting lost in Chuck's fathomless eyes. Startled, guilty, as she tears her gaze away and answers the call.

Lucy, filling her head with all the warnings everyone had given her. Here was a dangerous man, but not one who beat you and left you. A man like Carter stole your heart and left you wanting more. Resist, resist, she told herself. But did she even want to?

Blair, returning to Chuck again, with Nate distracted. Chuck, sporting a grin identical to the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, watching her blush.

Lucy, excusing herself to go to the bathroom. Cooling her hot cheeks with water from the tap. Studying her glowing face, eyes bright and huge, lips parted. Putting on her new necklace, the key charm resting on her pale chest.

Blair, stumped. Chuck, lost. The security footage yielding nothing to their search. Blair, reluctantly excusing herself as Chuck tells her Nate is arriving soon.

"Thank you, Blair" he says quietly as she leaves.

Blair, forgetting more and more his sleaziness and dirty jokes, smiles at him warmly.

Chuck, nursing a glass of Scotch as his treacherous best friend arrives.

Nate, still thinking about Serena, doesn't notice.

Lucy, quiet as Carter drives the streets of New York in the Bentley.

Carter, wondering what is wrong with her. Wondering why he is thinking about this girl. Wondering if he should run, or stay.

"Thank you for a lovely afternoon," she says, as they reach her building.

Carter, leaning in for a kiss, is surprised when she moves back, ever so slightly. It is enough.

"My pleasure," he says, turning to go, feeling empty.

Lucy, expression torn, knowing this is for the best. Is getting hurt worth it?

"Carter?" she says, voice trembling slightly.

Blair, falling asleep fully clothed, her dreams full of dark, dangerous eyes and a seductive voice asking her to let go.

Carter reaches for Lucy, pressing his lips against hers with an urgency that frightens and excites her. A passer-by snaps a picture.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he murmurs finally, as he lets her go and walks away. Lucy, heart beating a hundred miles a minute, presses her fingers to her lips. They are tingling.

She should be angry that he kissed her against her will, but she can't deny she's wanted his kiss.

Blair, waking much later, sees Lucy by her bed, expression determined.

"We need to talk," she says.

* * *

Blair sat up, groggily wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"What's happened?"

Lucy, taking a deep breath, begins.

"Sorry to bombard you, B, but first of all, have you checked Gossip Girl?"

Blair fumbled for her phone and checked it, gasping as the picture of Lucy and Carter locking lips fills her screen.

"Lucy!"

Lucy cannot help but grin and is immediately ashamed of herself.

"It was a great kiss" she said wistfully.

"You are clearly beyond reprimand" Blair said disapprovingly, "but I will try, anyway. He's a cad, Lucy. Letting him have access to your lips is just the first step on a descent into hell!"

"You're so dramatic, Blair. And don't you think I haven't thought of all this?"

"Not properly," Blair says, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, and Chuck is such a fine, upstanding example of a man?"

Blair glared at Lucy.

"Why do you keep saying Chuck? It's Nate I'm with."

Lucy only looked at her.

"I have to tell you something else. I found my father."

Blair looked incredibly serious.

"Please let it not be Bart Bass," she pleaded.

"Depending on how you look at it, B, it's worse."

"Who? Serena's dad?"

Lucy looked at Blair, who was looking steadily more worried by the minute.

"Howard Archibald. Eleanor confirmed it."

Blair stood up and went to her desk.

"Me and my boyfriend share a sibling," she said quietly. "How could this happen?"

"Well, when Eleanor was 24, she and Howard went on a trip-"

"That was rhetorical!" Blair screamed. "Where is she?"

Blair stood up and walked to the door, yanking it open.

"Mother!" she yelled, as she descended the staircase.

"Blair!" Lucy yelled.

Blair found Eleanor in her study, knee deep in paperwork, her spectacles on.

"Hello, Blair" she said, surprised and pleased, but the pleasant expression on her face faded when she saw Blair's.

"What is it?" she asked flatly.

"Mother," Blair began, starting to pace, "when I started going out with Nate, why did you forget to tell me that we have the same sister?

"When I said I wanted to marry him, what about then? Or when we shared our first kiss?"

Eleanor stood.

"Blair, calm down. I imagine you told her, Lucy?"

Lucy nodded. "Of course, she deserved to know."

Blair whirled around and looked at Lucy.

"Are you going to tell Nate about this? Because I'm going to have to break up with him, and he's going to want to know why."

Lucy whitened.

"I don't know. Tell him you love someone else. It's true, anyway."

Blair glared at her.

"Stop being so dramatic, girls" Eleanor said, flustered.

"It's alright for you!" Lucy yelled. "You've had 17 years to come to terms with it. I've had one day."

"I've had less than five minutes!" Blair yelled.

Eleanor sighed.

"Blair, I'm sorry. You know how much is at stake here if everyone found out! Howard's marriage would be at risk, we could go to court if he decided to press charges against me. There's more to this than just keeping a secret from you."

"Did Daddy know?" Blair asked quietly.

"No," Eleanor said. "He didn't know."

"So it is your fault he left" Blair said, sobbing. "You kept secrets from him."

She rushed blindly from the room.

Lucy and Eleanor stared at each other.

"I wish I had just told everyone from the start," Eleanor said, pale, "I can't deal with all this...drama. Blair is only 15 and her father has left her for another man, her lost sister has turned up, throwing herself into our lives and now her sister's father is also her boyfriend's father. What is this, Jeremy Kyle?"

Lucy stayed quiet, but Eleanor's words hurt. Her mother looked at her.

"Believe me, I'm so incredibly happy that you have come and become part of our family. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, but knowing that you're here, with Blair, makes me so pleased. She needs someone to keep an eye on her."

Lucy, from an early age, had idealised her absent mother. She had left Lucy because she had died from a noble cause, or because she was someone high profile, like the Secretary of State. She had been a spy, a nun, a prisoner of war or a Queen. Not a fashion designer in New York with sordid secrets.

There comes a point when children stop idealising their parents, and for Lucy, this was the moment she realised that her mother was far from perfect.

"If you had been around more often, I wouldn't need to keep an eye on her. I'm her sister, not her parent."

Lucy's tone was cold and Eleanor looked at her in surprise.

"Blair is so damaged, can't you see that? Are you oblivious? She needs someone there, that's why she got closer to her dad. He was around more."

"How dare you!" Eleanor said, eyes flashing. "You've been here a month. In that time, a lot has happened. You can't judge what happened before you came."

"I can, because I'm talking about what how Blair was when I arrived and I've been here to observe."

"Arrogant girl," Eleanor snapped, "criticising our way of life. You've learned a lot from Imogen Astor. Her judgemental attitude took her across the Atlantic."

"Why even pretend you care, Eleanor? And you know what, I don't need this."

Lucy turned and walked away, upstairs to her room.

She packed her bags, calling the doorman to come up and take them down and left, getting a taxi to the Plaza.

In her suite, she sat on the bed, numb.

She wasn't one of them, at least to Eleanor. Would she always be an outsider, an intruder with an opinion that didn't count?

Blair, knocking on Lucy's door a while later, received no answer. She pushed the door open, seeing the bare room. She crossed to the wardrobe. Empty. Blair crawled under Lucy's covers, gripping them, inhaling her now familiar scent. Her foot hit something cold. Blair reached down and retrieved it. It was a necklace with a key charm on it. She looked at it with interest. On the back, it read: _You can do anything. C__  
_

Blair smiled sadly. It was true, but that didn't mean it was always a good thing.

* * *

**A/N: Sad ending there. Quite a long chapter here, and a lot happened, but it was necessary for everything that will come. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Just thought I'd say that the date this fic started was August 13 (in the timeline) and we are now on Thursday, September 5. A lot has happened in the first week of term!**

**I have just got back from holiday (in Turkey - and I've even got a tan!) so it has been a while since I have updated. **

**But here you go...**

* * *

At school the next day, Blair was surprised to see Lucy turn up in fresh uniform, looking alert and focused.

"I thought you'd gone?" she asked abruptly, as Lucy walked past.

"No, I just removed myself from the situation. You don't want outsiders interfering."

She walked on past and up the steps into school.

Blair clenched her jaw in frustration. So Eleanor had pushed Lucy away. Why couldn't they just end this cycle?

"So Lucy's gone dark now," Chuck commented, coming to stand beside Blair.

Blair sighed. "She packed all her stuff and moved to the Plaza. Gossip Girl posted her checking in."

"Eleanor?" Chuck guessed.

"Of course," Blair said scathingly. "I've moved out a few times, but I've had a lifetime of dealing with her. She's managed a month before giving up."

"Being rejected by the mother you never knew is a bit hard though, isn't it?" Chuck said, carefully.

Blair turned to look at him.

"Whose side are you on, Bass? I understand it's hard for her, and I've got used to it, but she's left me too."

Chuck sighed. "This isn't about Lucy, Blair. What's going on really?"

"I don't know what you mean," Blair said, smiling blankly at him.

"Then why, when you normally meet Nate before school, are you here, ignoring him?"

Blair froze for a second, but it was enough.

"I don't know what you mean," she said again, feeling sick to her stomach.

Chuck just smiled to himself.

"Ok, Blair."

Blair sighed. Chuck, sauntering off across the courtyard, glanced back at her, smirking. She rolled her eyes.

She had come to rely so much on Chuck recently. He had been there for her consistently, helping her whenever she needed it, lightening her mood.

Why couldn't that have been Nate? After their talk the other day about her being ready, he had avoided her and she, him. What was she doing?

Lucy too, had been there, but it was complicated. Blair reached into her bag and pulled out the notebook in which she had drafted the letters she wrote to Lucy when she was younger. She traced the childish, yet neat writing with her finger, remembering the anguish she had felt when writing them.

Blair headed into school, Kati and Iz coming to meet her. Blair was being pleasantly sweet to Iz, but retribution was coming and Iz knew it.

"Blair, can I carry your bag?" she said eagerly.

Blair scoffed.

"No, but you can make sure my yoghurt is waiting for me when we get to the Met Steps."

She smiled sweetly at Iz.

Kati looked scandalised, but was smirking. Fetching yoghurt was for low grade minions.

"Okay, Blair," Iz said, wincing a little at the insult.

Blair texted Lucy in first period.

_We need to work out punishment._

Lucy smiled a little as she read it. She could imagine Blair's glee at contemplating new and exciting ways of torturing Iz.

_Meet me at break._

Blair clenched her teeth.

_On the Met steps._

Lucy raised an eyebrow.

_In the library._

Blair sighed.

_In the senior common room. _

Lucy went to agree, then stopped.

_Library._

Blair grinned.

_At home._

Lucy frowned.

_You handle it._

Blair threw her phone down in frustration. Why were sisters so annoying?

At break, Lucy was looking at college brochures in the library. It wouldn't be too long before she started visiting them. She looked at the glossy Princeton one.

"You don't want to go to New Jersey," Blair said, sitting opposite her.

Lucy raised an eyebrow.

"Revenge is more important than pride," Blair said, explaining her presence.

Lucy smiled politely, returning to her brochure.

"Why are you annoyed at me, L? I never told you you're an outsider."

Lucy sighed. "When I told you who my father was, your first reaction was how it would affect you. I've found my whole family in a couple of months, it's terrifying, and yet I've had to quietly get on with it, and you have had all the dramatics. It's always about you."

"You know I'm selfish," Blair said, rolling her eyes. "I'm sorry, L, I could have reacted better. So, is that why you left?"

"Eleanor said that I was interfering and made it clear I had no right to be a part of your world. You can carry on your self-destructive cycle and I'm going to look after myself."

Blair looked confused.

"Self-destructive? I have a 4.0 grade average, I have lots of friends and money and a bright future."

"So why are you throwing up after every meal?"

Blair stared at Lucy, brown eyes wide and fearful. She pressed her lips together.

"L, I've had a nightmare time recently," Blair confessed. Her eyes started swimming with tears and one started to fall, trailing down to her nose.

"My dad left me. He left my mum for a man! I know she's difficult, but imagine that happening to you? Nate has been so far away. I told him I wanted to...you know, finally, and he's avoided me ever since. Serena left, without a word. Her phone is off and she didn't even bother to say goodbye. You came and I always thought you didn't want to know us, but you did and it's sometimes overwhelming that you're just there, in the next room. Then, there's my friendship with Chuck. He's been there when Nate wasn't and I...I've noticed a few moments with him have made me feel uncomfortable."

Lucy stayed quiet, letting Blair get it all out.

"Then you told me who your father was, and I have to break up with Nate because I share a sibling with him! And, I finally became queen after Serena left and everyone wants you instead!"

Lucy got up and held Blair close, stroking her hair. Blair was properly sobbing. Lucy sighed. She was only 15, and there had been a lot for her to deal with. Blair listing them all made Lucy realise that her own problems were manageable. She know who her father was and that Eleanor was a difficult, cold woman. She couldn't really expect a tender, loving mother in Eleanor.

"It will be alright, Blair," she whispered.

"Please come home," Blair said.

Lucy sighed.

Blair extricated herself from Lucy's arms and reached into her bag, handing Lucy the notebook.

"These are the letters I wrote you. Read them, then come back."

Lucy nodded, taking the book. Then she looked up at Blair, who was turning to go.

"Now, B, let's plan our revenge."

Blair cheered up as they discussed detailed plans to punish Iz. She seemed slightly ashamed of her breakdown, but Lucy was almost pleased about it. She was happy that Blair was confiding in her.

"So, I think we've got it," Lucy said.

Blair nodded, her ringlets bouncing slightly on her shoulders.

"It's fair, but diabolical enough to make her never step out of line again."

Lucy smirked.

"What about Callie?" Blair asked. "I know you've been ignoring her for the past few days, but she can't get away with it either."

Lucy sighed. She didn't know what to do about Callie. She had been on her own since the confrontation, cowed by the other girls. Should she leave it?

"Leave it to me," she said. "I'll have a think."

Blair nodded, smiling hesitantly at her sister. Lucy smiled back.

The bell rang, and Lucy headed to Biology. She slid into the seat next to Tinsley.

"Fancy shopping after school?" Tinsley asked. "I want to go out this weekend, had enough of studying and you look like you could use a night out."

Lucy nodded. "Shopping sounds perfect."

Carter was waiting for her after school, just outside the school gates. Lucy took her time walking over to him.

"Give me a minute," she said to Tinsley, who nodded.

"Hi," she said shortly as she stood before him. Carter looked just as handsome as ever, and a mischevious smile graced his face.

"Lucy, sorry about attacking you yesterday."

Lucy laughed.

"I've been warned, you know," she said, not wanting to discuss the kiss. "That you steal girl's hearts and virtue, then leave them for another."

Carter looked at her. Lucy, her dark hair falling past her shoulders, her lips parted, her brown eyes serious and a little apprehensive.

It had only been a week and a half since they met at the Shepherd wedding. Two dinners. One present. One kiss.

"It's only been a week, Lucy, I can't promise we won't want each other in another week, or a month, or a year, but I want you now. We'll just have to see."

Lucy laughed.

"That's romantic."

She looked awkwardly past his shoulder. Had she expected a declaration of love? A promise that he wouldn't leave her, ever? Could she even promise the same? Of course not.

She smiled at him, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

"I'm off shopping. See you around."

She kissed him on the cheek and beckoned to Tinsley. They hailed a cab and laughing, drove away.

Carter shook his head slowly.

"What's going on there?" Chuck asked, standing beside him and lighting a spliff. They started walking along the street towards Chuck's limo, in silent agreement.

"That innocent Waldorf girl has got me smitten," he confessed.

Chuck grinned to himself.

"Baizen, you're not a one-woman man, never have been. Can you imagine yourself settling down, married and with two children? Lucy Waldorf on your arm at society events? The only woman to grace your bed?"

Carter laughed.

"Bass, have you ever been in love, or even liked a girl?"

Chuck took a drag. He didn't answer, merely raising an eyebrow at Carter.

"Well, then, I guess you don't understand. I bought the girl jewellery."

Chuck laughed.

"Have you never done that?" he asked. "I thought that was standard practice for you."

Carter shook his head. "And I took her to dinner at The Boathouse. But I can't work out what she's thinking. She thanked me for being a good friend two days ago, when I helped find out who her father is, and then I kissed her yesterday and she hasn't even mentioned it today."

"Maybe she just isn't into you," Chuck suggested. They had reached his limo.

"I'm Carter Baizen," he grinned, shrugging his shoulders, "of course she's into me."

Chuck laughed.

"Good luck, man," he said, getting into his limo, "Waldorf women are difficult."

Carter watched Chuck drive away with a wry smile on his face. Time to start playing the game properly.

* * *

Lucy could feel Blair's notebook burning through her bag as she browsed Barneys with Tinsley.

"I love these jeans!" Tinsley exclaimed, holding up a pair of pale denim skinny jeans.

Lucy was eyeing a white lacy blouse, but turned to nod approvingly at Tinsley's choice.

In order to distract herself, Lucy shopped with abandon. She had enough clothes, yes, but why not buy more?

"Woah, someone has a habit!" Tinsley laughed, eyeing the piles of clothes Lucy was trying on.

Lucy laughed.

"There's so many beautiful things!"

As the cashier was ringing up her purchases, her phone buzzed.

_Dinner tonight?_

Carter. She sighed.

_Can't. Busy. _

"That will be $2,100 please," the cashier said, smirking slightly at Lucy, who still did not look like she belonged.

Her new haircut helped, but she still couldn't apply make up properly and she lacked that stylish air that the Upper East Side girls had learned from birth.

She flipped open her purse and handed over her platinum AMEX. Her mother and Blair had black AMEX, but then, they had been spending money a lot longer than she had.

The cashier swiped the card and stopped smirking, smiling warmly at Lucy instead.

Her Barneys bag in hand, the girls went out onto Madison Ave.

"Let's go get cocktails," Tinsley said, swinging her bags. She looked so carefree out of school. Lucy was suprised, and before she knew it, had agreed.

Tinsley excused herself when they arrived at the Oak Room and with a fast beating heart, Lucy retrieved Blair's notebook from her bag.

_Lucy, _

_What is London like? It must be better than New York or you would be here with me and mummy and daddy. I saw a picture of you as a baby you look like me when I was a baby. Big brown eyes. I wonder if you look like me now. I've asked mummy if we can come to visit you in the summer so hopefully she will say yes and then I will see you. _

_Please write back. _

_Blair_

_Lucy, _

_Maybe you can't read yet. I sent you a letter a month ago, but you haven't replied. Or maybe it got lost in the post, that happens, especially when it has to go over the sea. I don't have a telephone number for you, or I would try that. _

_Mummy is always away. Daddy is here sometimes, but he is busy as well. It's lonely here and I wish I had you with me. You could have the room next to mine, it's very big and Dorota would look after us. Please consider it. Maybe the lady you live with can come too, if she likes. _

_Your sister, Blair_

_Lucy, _

_I heard Mummy and Daddy talking last night, about you. Mummy was crying, so sad because you don't love us. Why don't you love us? I send a picture of me with this letter, so you can see what I look like. Maybe you can send one back. Daddy was trying to comfort Mummy, but it wasn't working. She went to bed and I could still hear her crying. _

_Blair_

_Lucy, _

_I've written to you many times now and have never received a reply. I see now that you are not interested in knowing me, and I don't know why. But from now on, I don't care. To those who know I have a sister, I will say she is dead. You are dead to me now. _

_Blair. _

Tinsley came back as Lucy wiped the tears from her eyes. She ordered Cosmos without a word.

They were sipping their drinks and showing each other their purchases, when Nate walked in with his parents.

Lucy's head snapped so fast in their direction she thought she had whiplash.

Nate spotted her and came over, smiling easily.

"Hey Lucy," he said, in his friendly, warm voice.

Lucy managed to talk to him normally, but she kept shooting glances towards his parents. Nate's father, Howard, was well dressed, with a handsome, yet weak looking face. Anne was elegant and looked slightly disapproving of everything.

"How's Blair?" Nate was asking, a frown furrowed between his eyebrows.

Lucy swallowed nervously.

"Haven't you seen her?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, we...we spoke a few days ago, but she's been really busy in school."

Lucy nodded.

"Yes of course, school."

Suddenly her mouth opened of its own accord.

"Come to dinner tonight," she said, "with your parents."

Nate raised an eyebrow, but he looked thoughtful.

"Sure, I'll ask," he said finally, turning to go over to his parents, who were starting to look impatient.

Tinsley was draining her martini.

"I've got to go home," she said, face pale. "Dad's waiting for me."

Lucy looked at her new friend. Tinsley looked worried and was passing her shopping bags from hand to hand, as if regretting her purchases.

"Will your dad mind that you've been shopping?" Lucy asked. Surely not. Parents seemed either absent or indulgent on the UES, or both.

Tinsley laughed lightly. "No, of course not, but he will mind that I'm not studying and that I've been drinking on a school night. He's a little stricter than other parents around here."

"Where's your mum?" Lucy asked, before she realised that maybe you shouldn't just ask those questions. How many times had she been asked where her parents were?

"With her 21 year old boyfriend in Hawaii," Tinsley said blankly, staring at Lucy with an almost unfriendly expression.

Lucy flushed.

"Sorry," she said.

Tinsley ran her hand through her red wavy hair.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, kissing Lucy on the cheek and leaving, laden with her shopping.

Nate came back over.

"Dinner's good," he said.

Lucy smiled.

"Meet me out front, I'll get a cab" she said, hopping off her stool and gathering her bags. She dialled with one hand while she tried to hail a cab.

Blair answered on the first ring.

"Lucy, are you coming back?" she said.

"For dinner," Lucy said, "with Nate and his parents."

There was a silence.

"Wow, you're a bitch," Blair snapped, and hung up.

The ride back to the Waldorf's was slightly awkward. Lucy, and Howard presumbly, knew something the other two didn't.

Eleanor was waiting when they arrived at the Waldorfs. She looked relieved to see Lucy and hugged her tight.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm glad you're back. Let's try again."

Lucy allowed herself to relax into her mother's embrace, but there was a steel in her stomach that hadn't been there before. She would take what she got, and not expect anything more.

Eleanor greeted Anne and Howard politely. Lucy watched with interest Howard and Eleanor's interaction. They were polite, Howard charming and boisterous, loudly exclaiming how wonderful her latest collection had been and remarking what a beautiful couple Nate and Blair made.

Lucy felt slightly nauseous. He was _enthusiastic_ about his son and his daughter's sister being together? How weird was this guy?

Blair came down the stairs, looking perfect as usual. Her dark hair was shining and she looked slender and elegant. She smiled reluctantly when she saw Nate. He looked up through lidded eyes.

"Blair," he said, kissing her cheek politely. She simpered and moved past him to greet Anne and Howard.

Dorota peered out from the dining room, where she had been setting the table.

She caught Lucy's eye and smiled, waving happily.

Lucy felt a rush of affection for the kind woman, always there, so thoughtful and warm.

Eleanor got them all drinks and they sat in the front room, conversing politely. Nate looked from Blair to Lucy, noticing the tension. Thankfully, dinner was soon announced.

Halfway through the main course, Blair cleared her throat.

"So, Mr Archibald," she simpered, "I've got a question for you."

He smiled nervously at her, seeing the dangerous glint in her eye.

"Yes, Blair?"

"What's it like being reunited with your long lost daughter?"


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry for the hiatus everyone. I was jobhunting!

Link to Lucy's dress described later in the chapter: . /Sites-BNY-Site/default/Product-Show?pid=502602180&cgid=womens-shortdresses&index=14

* * *

The fallout from the dinner party caused the biggest argument Blair and Lucy had ever had.

Howard Archibald was thunderstruck and if Lucy were not so horrified, she would have been amused.

His head moved from his wife, to Eleanor, to Lucy, and then back again. His face went red, white, then yellow.

Then he attempted to speak.

"My dear, I..." he stuttered to Anne.

Anne turned regally towards him.

"You have a daughter?"

She turned to Lucy and looked at her steadily.

"Lucy is your daughter?"

Howard went white again.

"It was before you and I were married, Anne."

Anne pursed her lips.

"How old are you, Lucy?"

Lucy answered, trembling.

Anne turned to Howard.

"Italy? When we first started dating?"

Howard looked like he was going to cry.

Eleanor looked from Anne to Howard.

"You were with her? I thought you didn't meet her till afterwards!"

"My dear, please can we talk about this at home?" Howard pleaded.

"What about me, dad?" Nate asked, face cold. "I've been going out with my half sister's sister since I was like 11, and you never thought to tell me that we share a sibling?"

Blair looked like she regretted her outburst now, but Lucy still glared at her.

"Come with me," she snapped, gripping Blair by the arm and dragging her from the room. She exchanged a panicky glance with Nate as she left.

She let Blair go as soon as they got into her room.

"How can you be so selfish?" she cried. "To just announce that to Nate and Anne like that. You put Mother in a very difficult position and possibly ruined any attempt I could have had to get to know my father. How could you hurt Nate like that? Why would you do this? I was going to come back, Blair. I read your letters, and while the emotional blackmail was incredibly manipulative, it did work. I thought we'd reached a point where we could treat each other with maturity. Clearly not."

Blair looked furious.

"Oh, so you never do anything wrong? You just walked out and then acted all high and mighty. Treating me like a naughty child."

"You're acting like a naughty child!" Lucy yelled.

"You walked out because of Mother, not me! So why, when you made up with her so easily, can you not make up with me?"

"Because of what you just did!"

"It was time people knew the truth. Howard's ignored you for too long and I was avoiding Nate."

Lucy sighed.

"Couldn't you have done it with sensitivity?"

"No, Lucy. You can't break news like that with 'sensitivity'."

"You just like causing a scene," accused Lucy.

Blair rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I do."

They were staring at each other when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Lucy said.

Nate came in slowly.

"Everyone's crying down there," he announced. "Blair, why did you do this?"

"I didn't make your dad go away to Italy with my mom and have a baby with her, then make her keep that baby a secret from your dad, then make your dad keep it a secret from your mom and you. I didn't do this, Nate."

Nate rolled his eyes.

"You know what I mean, Blair. Stop being facetious."

"Ooh, that's a big word for you, Nate Archibald."

"Blair, shut up," Lucy said. Blair did.

Nate turned to Lucy.

"So, you're my sister," he said, looking awkward. "How long have you known?"

"Two days. I didn't know how to tell you, as it would break you and Blair up."

Nate looked tortured.

"Lucy, would you give me and Blair a minute? I'll come and speak to you afterwards."

Lucy glanced at Blair, who looked stricken.

"Sure."

* * *

"Blair, I don't know how we'll get past this," Nate said, sitting down on her bed. Blair sat next to him.

"Sharing a sibling is a bit hillbilly."

"And it's not like we're doing too great anyway."

Blair looked away, pressing her lips together.

"Serena has always been there, between us," she whispered, "without her, it's like there's someone missing."

Nate debated for one agonising moment whether to tell her. When he started to speak, he was doomed.

"Blair, I have something to tell you."

Blair looked up at him, fear in her tear-filled eyes.

"At the Shepherd wedding, Serena and I...something happened."

Blair looked confused.

"You guys kissed?"

Nate nodded.

"You kissed."

Blair's lip trembled.

"I knew you always wanted her, but I never thought you'd actually dishonour me like that."

"There's more, Blair," Nate said, cursing himself as he poured out his guts to her. It was the end anyway.

Blair went white with fury and jealousy.

"What?" she cried.

Nate took a deep breath.

"We slept together. Blair, I'm so sorry, it just happened. We were drunk and..."

Blair held her hand up.

"Stop. I don't want to know the details. I'm aware of how much you two wanted each other, but I thought that was just because she's Serena van der Woodsen and everyone wants her."

Nate felt wretched.

"We really are over," Blair said, getting up and pacing to the window. "We're over. Leave."

Nate didn't move.

"GO! GET OUT!" She screamed, picking up a hairbrush and throwing it at him. It hit him on the knee. He turned and left.

Blair collapsed on her bed and dissolved into tears.

* * *

Lucy heard the commotion and turned to Nate, puzzled, as he came into her room.

"Oh god," he said, putting his head in his hands and sitting down at her desk.

"What happened? Did you break up?"

"Yes," Nate said.

Lucy sighed.

"I'm so sorry. You two have been together forever and I've come along and spoiled everything."

Nate shot her a look from between his hands.

"It wasn't this, Lucy. It's Serena."

Lucy felt a stab of pity for Blair. She had noticed how insecure Blair was when it came to Serena, even getting upset when Lucy wanted to meet up with her. Even with Nate, Blair was second best.

"So you did sleep with her. I knew it," Lucy said.

Nate nodded.

"Wait, how did you know?"

Lucy rolled her eyes.

"Anyone with a modicum of perception could have seen it. Also, I walked in on you with your shirt undone, you and Serena hadn't been seen for half an hour and then Serena leaves."

"I bet Chuck knows then. He sees everything."

Nate suddenly realised what Chuck had been trying to get him to confess that day in the park. God, he was slow.

"She'll never forgive me," Nate said.

"She will," Lucy said confidently. "It will take time, but she will forgive you."

Lucy thought about Blair and Chuck and the budding tendrils of friendship that were growing between them.

"So," Nate chuckled, sitting back in his chair, "you're my older sister."

Lucy smiled shyly.

"Yes, I guess I am. You seem to be dealing with it a lot better than your mother."

Nate's face darkened.

"I'm not angry with you, you didn't ask to be born, but I'm angry with Dad for not telling me."

"Understandably."

"Do you want to...watch a film or something?"

Lucy looked at him in consternation, then he clicked.

"Of course, go to Blair. I'll see you tomorrow at school, sis."

He smiled at the last word, then hugged her. Lucy relaxed against him and hugged him back. She had a little brother.

Blair was catatonic when Lucy entered.

"Come on, B, it's all forgotten. I'm moving back in and we'll get over this. And when Serena van der Woodsen comes back, we'll make her regret the day she was born."

Blair smiled reluctantly as she shifted over on the bed to make space for Lucy.

"Why is life so complicated?" Lucy asked, smiling.

* * *

The following day at school, Lucy smiled at Nate as they passed each other in the corridor.

Blair ignored him as he stood there with Chuck.

Chuck, noticing, followed her and planting himself in her path.

"What's up with you and Archibald?" Chuck asked, eyes dancing.

Blair tried to sidestep him, but he merely smirked.

"None of your business, Bass," Blair said waspishly.

"It is my business if Nate comes to my suite late last night, drunk, confessing all his sins."

Blair sighed.

"He told you? Well, great, now you know. Now everyone in my life prefers Serena."

Chuck frowned.

"I don't, Blair."

Blair detected the truth in his words.

"You don't count," she said cuttingly, pushing past him.

Chuck caught her arm.

"Stop being a bitch. I thought we'd reached a truce?"

Blair eyed him from head to toe.

"Bass, your desperation is pathetic."

"Please, Waldorf, I don't do sloppy seconds," Chuck sneered.

Blair pressed her lips together, refusing to admit defeat. A thousand petty retorts were on the tip of her tongue, but she was better than this.

She turned and left, leaving Chuck feeling hollow with disappointment. Why wasn't Waldorf playing along?

* * *

Lucy debated whether to go ahead with her night out with Tinsley tonight. Should she invite Blair? Would Blair be okay alone? She cornered Blair at lunchtime.

She was in supreme bitch mode.

"I'm going out tonight, Blair, would you like to come?"

Blair tilted her head, pretending to be confused.

"Would I like to go out with my big sister and her self-righteous friend?" she sneered.

Lucy rolled her eyes.

"You're completely transparent, you know. And all it does is cut your nose off to spite your face."

"How?" Blair asked snappily, standing up from her spot at the Met steps and leading Lucy away.

"Because I will go out. Have fun at home, by yourself."

"What makes you think I'll stay at home?" Blair said. "I do have other friends."

"Oh, Iz, the one who tried to break us apart? Your minions? Serena?"

Blair shot a look over her shoulder at her minions, then turned back to Lucy, expression venomous.

"Shut up."

Lucy crossed her arms.

"You're pathetic, Blair," she said, then turned and walked down the steps.

Lucy and Dorota moved her stuff back into the townhouse after school. Dorota clucked with disappointment as she saw the creases in some of her dresses.

"These will need dry cleaning, Miss Lucy! Please take more care!"

Lucy shrugged.

"I'm sorry, Dorota, but do they really matter that much?"

Dorota stopped her folding for the moment.

"Miss Lucy, will you be alright? This is a hard time for all of you. Miss Eleanor, she is sad about Mr Harold and has another daughter to worry about, Miss Blair is angry with Mr Nate and you have just found a new father and a new family. It is a lot for all of you."

Lucy held up her hands in despair.

"I just want everything to go back to normal!" she cried. "I'm going out tonight, with my new friend, and I'm going to have an amazing time!"

Dorota smiled warily.

"You are very different to when you first arrive, Miss Lucy! So sweet and quiet and now you are more and more like Miss Blair every day!"

Lucy rolled her eyes.

"The day I'm like Blair, shoot me."

Dorota finished her tidying and left, a worried expression on her face.

Lucy's phone rang. Carter. She let it go to voicemail, then listened to the message.

_Waldorf, I've gone to Monaco for a few days. Try not to find out any other secrets while I'm away. And keep Wednesday night free, we have unfinished business. _

Lucy laughed, then felt a bit scared. How much did Carter Baizen want from her?

She texted Tinsley, then got dressed.

She wore a dark blue JOIE floral lace sleeveless dress from Barney's, and left her hair down. She slipped into some Jimmy Choos and then went into the bathroom to do her make up.

The door to Blair's bedroom was firmly closed, which meant Do Not Disturb.

"Miss Lucy! Your friend is here!" Dorota called.

Lucy went downstairs to find Tinsley, dressed to the nines, with a bottle of champagne in her hand.

"Lucy! Come on, join me for a toast before we go!"

Dorota disappeared, thankfully, and Lucy led Tinsley to the kitchen to get some champagne flutes. She uncorked it and poured it, Tinsley looking quite unsteady.

"Did you have another of these before you came?" Lucy asked, laughing. She looked at Tinsley, slightly concerned.

The tall girl had her red hair in a high ponytail and she was wearing a gold, form-fitting dress and heels.

"No, I had a vodka," Tinsley said. "My mother turned up this morning."

Lucy nodded, realization dawning.

"That's why you weren't at school."

"I'm so glad to get out of there."

She reached for her glass and drained it, setting the flute down firmly on the kitchen island. Lucy flinched, but the glass was tougher than it looked.

"Come on, Tins, let's get out of here," Lucy said.

"I haven't seen your room yet, Lucy, or your clothes. You have such lovely clothes."

Lucy laughed.

"Come on then, let's go raid my closet."

Their night out turned into an epic game of dress up. The two girls, steadily sipping their champagne, tried on all of Lucy's clothes and used her bed as a catwalk.

Tinsley backcombed Lucy's hair into a couture model style and was just applying dark, smoky eyeshadow when Blair walked in.

"What are you guys doing? I thought you were going out?"

She stood there, arms crossed, but Lucy could see she wanted to join in.

Lucy threw her a bone.

"B, do we have any fabrics that we could do a fashion show with?"

"You mean, so you don't ruin your clothes?" Blair said, but she was smiling. "I'll go raid Mother's workroom."

She returned with her arms full of beautiful fabrics.

"Come here, I'll do your hair too," Tinsley said, sitting Blair down and starting to backcomb.

Lucy stripped down to her underwear and draped a silver, shimmery piece of fabric around her, like a Grecian toga.

"Oh, that's very Alberta Ferretti," Blair said.

"Have some champagne, B," Lucy said. "I don't want Alberta Ferretti, let's do B and L Waldorf!"

"And Tinsley Avery?" Tinsley asked, handing Blair a glass of champagne.

"You can be hair and beauty assistant," Blair said, heading over to the fabrics and holding them up.

"Okay, Tinsley you're the model, get over here. You're the only one tall enough."

Tinsley walked over to Blair. Blair started draping fabrics around her.

"Pins?" Lucy said, handing them over, then standing back to watch.

Blair had some idea what she was doing, but the end result was...stiff. Tinsley looked awkward, preppy.

"Look, B, I don't think we want people to look like they have a stick up their arse."

Blair turned to Lucy, shocked.

"It's classic. Echoes of Chanel."

"But we aren't Chanel. Let me have a go."

Lucy loosened the fabric around the collar and waist, letting it fold more naturally. The silk relaxed and so did Tinsley. She twirled and the dress swished.

"I like it," Blair said, smiling at Lucy.

"Let's get the sewing machine," Tinsley said.

"No, no, couture is hand-sewed!" Blair said.

Lucy laughed as they surveyed the dress on Tinsley's tall frame.

Her night out had turned into something very different.

* * *

Lucy groaned as she opened her eyes the next morning, a headache building above her eyes. She frowned as she spotted something unfamiliar, then opened her eyes fully.

A pale pink silk dress was hanging from the bathroom door. Their dress.

Lucy turned her head and saw Tinsley still fast asleep beside her.

Her clothes were strewn across the bed, chairs and the floor.

Dorota was going to kill her.

A sewing machine sat on her desk, and pins and a tape measure beside it. Scraps of fabric littered the floor.

Lucy's phone beeped.

_Breakfast in ten? We can tackle the bombsite later._

Blair.

Lucy tried to wake Tinsley, but the girl was in a deep stupor. She slid out of bed and saw that she was still wearing her dress from last night. Lucy pulled on a robe and slippers and padded downstairs to the dining room.

Blair was sitting wearily at the table, trying to eat a grape.

"Have a bagel, B," Lucy said, "you'll feel better."

They still hadn't really discussed Blair's bulimia since Lucy had told her she knew about it.

"I'm not hungry, L."

"Well, you won't be hungry if you don't eat, you'll just get sick and then your body will start eating your organs to feed itself and you'll die. So, eat the bagel."

Blair reached for a bagel mutinously and sliced it open. She took a bite, glaring at Lucy.

"Atta girl," Lucy said, reaching for her own.

Dorota came through with another tray of food.

"Miss Lucy, I have just seen your room. What have you been doing?"

Blair and Lucy exchanged looks and started giggling.

"We were playing designers," Lucy said.

Dorota sighed dramatically and huffed out of the room.

Blair finished her bagel and then finally ate the grape she had been staring at.

"When's your doctor's appointment?" Lucy asked.

Blair looked up at her.

"I haven't made one yet."

Lucy sighed.

"Make one now, Blair. You can't start getting better until you talk to someone properly about it. I'm out of my depth here."

Blair reached for her phone and dialled.

She made the appointment and hung up.

"Monday at 9," she told Lucy.

"Wow, that's quick. I always had to wait at least a week for an appointment."

"That's because you had that free thing."

"The NHS? Yeah we got free healthcare."

"Yes, well, over here we pay. And us Waldorfs get the best. But even private, exclusive doctors have weekends."

"But their secretaries don't," Lucy said.

Blair rolled her eyes.

"Of course not."

Lucy made Blair drink a glass of orange juice and an apple.

"I suppose we'd better tidy up now," Lucy said.

"Dorota will have done it," Blair said.

Blair was right. Dorota had tidied up everything. Her dresses were back in her closet, neatly back in order and the sewing machine had disappeared.

Tinsley was also gone.

Their dress still hung from the bathroom door.

Lucy examined it.

The skirt was full and silky, as full as a ballerina skirt, and the bodice was fitted. A dark pink rose had been embroidered on the skirt.

"It's gorgeous," Blair said thoughtfully. "We could have something here."

"Do you really want to follow in Mother's footsteps?" Lucy asked.

Blair sighed.

"I'd much rather go to Yale and follow in my father's footsteps. Yale has always been my dream."

"I've always preferred Harvard," Lucy mused. "I'd better get looking at colleges, it is senior year."

"I'll go with you one weekend if you like."

"That'd be great."

Blair suddenly smiled.

"I had a great time last night. And I suppose your friend Tinsley isn't so bad."

Lucy frowned.

"Where did she go? She didn't say bye or anything."

"She was pretty drunk. Why was she so drunk, L? She didn't seem happy."

Lucy sighed.

"Her mum's back in town and they don't get on."

"That's definitely a good explanation," Blair laughed.

"I think I'm going to go back to bed," Lucy said. "I don't know how much sleep we got, but it wasn't enough."

Blair left her to sleep and Lucy closed her curtains and crawled into bed. The sheets were clean. How did Dorota work so fast?

She texted Tinsley before she drifted to sleep.

_Are you okay?_

When she woke, around 6pm, she had a horrible taste in her mouth.

And she was still in her dress from last night.

Lucy sighed and went into the bathroom to run a bath. She got in, her body welcoming the heat and sweet smelling soaps, but was soon feeling sleepy again. Why had she chosen a hot bath?

She was just towelling herself dry when there was a knock at the door. She put her robe on and tied it.

"Come in."

Blair came in.

"I was going to order in. What do you want?"

Lucy thought for a moment.

"Thai," Lucy said. "Thai red chicken curry and jasmine rice and chicken in satay sauce."

Blair wrinkled her nose.

"Is that healthy?" she asked.

Lucy laughed.

"Yes. It's fresh and healthy. Have you never had Thai before?"

"No, of course not. I'll go order. I'll get two of what you said."

Lucy dressed simply in some leggings and a blue silk shirt that reached just above her knees, then put on some slippers. It was starting to get a bit chilly.

She checked her phone. No text. Where had Tinsley gone? The girl had seemed so quiet and stable when she first met her, but she was slowly starting to reveal as fractured a nature as everyone else on the Upper East Side.

Maybe she just needed some time alone, or maybe she was asleep. No need to worry.

Blair was setting a film up in the living room when Lucy came down.

"You're going to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's with me, L. You haven't seen any Audrey, have you?"

Lucy shook her head.

"That pleasure was denied me," she said.

"Are you being sarcastic? You had better not be snarky about this, Lucy, you need to witness Audrey's star quality."

Lucy laughed.

Two hours later, full of excellent Thai food and with tears in her eyes, Lucy evaluated her opinion of Audrey Hepburn.

"She's just so..." Lucy tried to find the word.

"Beautiful, magical, perfection? There isn't one word that has been discovered yet to describe her," Blair said, eyes shining.

"She's literally a star. So shiny and so far away you think she isn't real," Lucy said.

"Want to watch another one?"

* * *

When Eleanor came home that night, she found her two daughters, looking like peas in a pod, on the sofa, watching a film. They looked so happy she couldn't breathe for a moment.

As she watched, Blair said something to Lucy, who laughed. Blair looked peaceful and Lucy looked contented. Eleanor smiled.

She may be an absent mother, but her girls were definitely measuring up without her. They would be tough.

Eleanor made her way upstairs to her room. An unfamiliar dress lay on her bed, with a note beside it.

_Miss Eleanor, _

_Miss Blair and Miss Lucy made this last night. They designed and created it together. _

_You are an inspiration to them, but sometimes you can be intimidating. _

_Please return this to Miss Lucy's room. She does not know that you have seen it._

Eleanor held the dress up to the light, admiring the style and grace of the piece. Perhaps it was time to offer internships, if this is what her daughters could do with no training.

She walked to Lucy's room and hung it up in the wardrobe. The room was still really bare. Schoolwork was littered all over the desk and her laptop was on.

Eleanor started reading the essay on the screen.

When she had finished, she decided to talk to Lucy about college visits. She would need all the help she could get, with the competition she faced.

* * *

Sorry it's been so long, but next chapter will be up soon, I promise. This was a very difficult chapter to write.


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you to my reviewers, glad you're enjoying the story. There are a lot of strands coming together over the next few chapters, slowly but surely. **

**And there may even be some Blair and Chuck coming up...**

* * *

Harvard was beautiful in early autumn. The warm brown buildings were almost golden in the afternoon light and the trees were slowly turning a multitude of colours: red, orange, yellow and brown.

Eleanor, Lucy and Blair stood facing the law school in their cashmere jumpers and leather boots, cheeks pink from the brisk air.

"Do you like it, Lucy?"

Lucy beamed, admiring the large, old building with its Grecian pillars.

"It's gorgeous."

Blair suppressed her jealousy as Eleanor looked at Lucy proudly. Ever since Eleanor had paid some attention and found out how good Lucy's grades were, she had been organising extra-curricular activities, piano lessons and extra credit assignments, as well as organising multiple trips to colleges. Harvard was their first stop.

She was distracted by a text from Chuck.

_Waldorf, Nate is miserable. What do you know that I don't?_

"Harvard is hard to get into, especially as everyone is going to have a 4.0 gpa. You will need to be excellent," Blair said, slipping her phone back in her purse.

"Well, with the fashion week internship that should help, right?"

Eleanor turned to Lucy.

"It will, but it could just be nepotism. The Harvard admissions team won't know me, so won't know that I don't just hand out opportunities undeserved."

"Lucy's behind," Blair commented, smiling smugly.

Lucy sighed. "How am I going to get in? I've got two months to get good at all these activities. And yes, Blair, I know."

"Apply to a lesser college as well," Blair said, "like Brown."

Eleanor rolled her eyes.

"Blair, Brown is a good school. Just because Serena wants to go there does not mean that it is a bad school."

Blair glared at her mother mutinously.

"Well, are we going to stand here all day? Let's go suck up to professors."

Lucy drank in the atmosphere. Harvard seemed quiet and studious and old.

She sighed as she thought of all the extra credit essays she had yet to do and her spare time that was being eaten up by all these activities her mother had chosen.

Did she really have a chance at getting in to Harvard, one of the best universities in the world?

Returning to New York, Lucy felt like a weight was dragging her down. The future, which had seemed so bright out in Cambridge, seemed far away here.

They stepped out of the town car and headed inside, the rain pelting down. Lucy went to her room and sat straight at her desk, looking over her extra credit essays. Then she flipped open a book and read, lying on her bed. It was Tuesday afternoon, and she had to return to school tomorrow.

Dorota brought in her hot chocolate that night, as usual, as Lucy was just getting into bed.

"Thank you, Dorota," she said sweetly.

Dorota smiled at her.

"That's more like it," she said happily.

* * *

Lucy walked into the courtyard at break, Hemmingway under her arm. She was just trying to find a table, when a boy with short dark hair stopped her.

"The Old Man and the Sea? Don't you just want to write like him?"

Lucy turned to look at him. His brown eyes were intelligent, but he looked slightly awkward.

"I'd love to," she answered. "I'm Lucy Waldorf."

"I know, I mean, nice to meet you," the boy said, holding out his hand. Lucy shifted her Hemingway to the other arm. She shook his hand.

"Dan Humphrey."

Lucy smiled politely.

"Here, you can have my seat," he said, picking his bag up. "I've got to get going. Not that I wouldn't want to stay and chat if I could, because I would. But I really can't, I have to go and see my English teacher. She lets me do essays for practice. I want to be a writer, you see, but I also want to get into an Ivy, so I have to do as much extra stuff as I can, because looking around, these guys have really got an edge. Including you. Please, dear God, let me stop talking."

Lucy laughed.

"I've definitely learned a lot about you. Are you a senior? I haven't seen you in any of my classes."

"No, I'm a sophomore. I'm so sorry, I really have to go, but I'll catch you at lunch?"

Lucy nodded and Dan rushed off, knocking into Chuck with his bag as he left.

"Does he even go here?" Chuck said to Nate, as they approached Lucy.

"Hey," Nate said, hugging Lucy. "How's Blair doing?"

Lucy sighed.

"She's still angry, but taking it out on me for now."

"I'm sorry," Nate said. "It's not fair that you should have to be put through this."

Chuck looked at them both curiously.

"Since when have you two been so close?" he asked.

Nate sighed. Lucy looked at him questioningly, frowning.

Had he not told Chuck yet?

"Sorry, I'll leave you two alone," he said, raising an eyebrow.

When he had gone, Nate slumped.

"Things are real bad at home, Lucy. My parents aren't talking to each other most of the time, and when they are, they're arguing."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything to Blair. Giving her information is like arming a maniac. Dangerous."

Nate smiled ruefully.

"Nice one. That's okay, I'm glad I know now, but it is making things difficult at home."

"Come and stay with us. Although, maybe that wouldn't be the best for Blair. Actually, I rescind that offer. Sorry."

"I'll stay with Chuck. My parents need to work things out alone."

Lucy smiled.

"Let's go for some food one night," she said.

Nate smiled. "I'd love to. Also, could you give this to Blair?"

He held out an envelope. Lucy took it and put it into her bag.

"She's my best friend as well as my girlfriend. I forgot that. I just want her to know I'm sorry."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate that. I've got to go now, but I'll see you later?"

"Sure. See you, sis."

Lucy was heading to her next lesson when her phone beeped and a Gossip Girl blast filled her screen.

**We all know B and N have been an item for years, so why is he cosying up to L at school? **

**L, keep your limey paws off your sister's boyfriend. That's one thing you can't steal.**

**Xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy huffed as she walked into AP Chemistry. Callie was sitting at the back of the class and Lucy decided to sit next to her.

"Hey, Cal," she said, taking out her notebook and pen. Callie stared at her, shocked.

"Hi, Lucy."

The lesson began and the girls concentrated on their chemical equations. Callie was a nervous wreck throughout. What did Lucy want?

At the end of the lesson, Lucy stood and gathered her things into her bag. She turned to Callie.

"I've decided that we should leave things in the past, but if you hurt anyone else, or me, again, I will personally make sure your dreams and hopes for the future are crushed."

Callie followed Lucy from the classroom, catching up to her and pulling her long brown hair. The corridor was deserted.

"Owwww," Lucy shrieked.

Callie pushed Lucy against a nearby wall.

"How dare you threaten me? You were nothing, and now you've got money and a popular sister you think you're all that. You know you haven't got any real power, don't you? I've still got it. Watch your back."

She let her go and walked off, still seething.

Lucy rubbed her tender scalp, her heart thudding erratically. Who was she kidding? She couldn't threaten.

At lunch, Lucy sat at a table alone in the courtyard, debating her decision.

She was about to head over to the Met Steps when Dan sat next to her, bag landing with a thump on the floor.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I'm not normally that rude."

He caught sight of Lucy's red eyes.

"What's up? I mean, you don't have to tell me, but I am a good listener, when I can shut up."

Lucy took a deep breath.

"Look, Dan, I don't really know you, so forgive me if I don't want to blab all my problems to a stranger. Suffice to say, I don't think I'm cut out to be queen."

She stood.

"Excuse me."

Dan shrugged, and got out his cheese sandwiches.

* * *

Lucy had mostly forgotten about Carter's promise, or threat, when she saw him outside school that afternoon. She was walking with Nate.

"Hey, what's Carter Baizen doing here?" Nate asked, confused.

"Uh, he's here for me," Lucy said. "We've been on a few dates."

"Oh yeah, I saw that picture of him kissing you!"

Nate laughed, then walked up to Carter.

"Hey man, I understand you're here for-"

"Your sister," Carter finished.

Nate turned to Lucy.

"You told him?"

Lucy sighed. "Nate, he helped me figure out who my dad was."

"Of course. Carter knows everything about everyone. Well yeah, that's my sister. So treat her right, or you'll have me to answer to."

Carter tried not to smile.

"I'll bear that in mind."

Carter took Lucy's arm and they started walking down the street.

"So, what have you been upto?" he asked.

"I went to Harvard on Monday afternoon, got back yesterday. I think I want to go there."

Carter nodded.

"I should think about college. I've just been travelling since school finished."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Oh, I'd stay on the East Coast, close to New York. Princeton, or Yale, or Harvard."

He said the last with a smile at Lucy.

"So what did we need to finish, Carter?" Lucy asked.

"Get in," he said, gesturing to the nearby car. She slid into the back seat and they set off through the streets of New York.

When they emerged from the taxi, Central Park lay before them. Carter took her hand and led her through one of the gates into the park.

"I know you've been to The Boathouse with me, but you haven't seen much greenery since you've been here, have you?"

Lucy shook her head. Central Park was massive. They wandered down a large avenue with tall trees either side, the sunlight filtering down through the branches.

"It's beautiful."

Carter looked straight ahead as he spoke.

"I realise that last time I saw you I didn't exactly give you a reason to trust me or want to start anything with me. The only thing I know is that I want you and I can't imagine not wanting you. I'd like to date you, Waldorf."

Lucy smiled softly.

"Okay," she said, "but I warn you, I am a complete novice."

Carter sighed.

"Truthfully, so am I."

With the logical part of his brain, Carter didn't know what he was doing. Lucy Eleanor Waldorf was a kind, sweet, beautiful girl who wanted to go to an Ivy and write books, and he had always been a smart, cunning womanizer with a gambling problem. He didn't deserve her, and part of him couldn't understand why he did want her. With his emotional side, all he wanted to do was hug her, listen to her, tell her all about himself and make her happy.

He slid his hand into hers and squeezed it gently.

They walked through the park, in the cold autumn air, for hours.

* * *

When Lucy got home, glowing with happiness, Eleanor was in the living room looking disapproving.

"Where have you been?" she said, eyes boring into her.

"The park. Why are you home?"

Eleanor rolled her eyes.

"I have brought Georgina Chapman to meet you and to talk about an internship. You ought to have a lot in common, she's English."

Lucy gaped, surprised.

"She will be here for dinner, Lucy. Please tell me you know who she is?"

Lucy floundered.

"A designer?"

"Marchesa. She and Keren Craig founded Marchesa," Eleanor said finally. "Please do some research before dinner and don't embarrass me."

"Oh, I have some of her dresses then," Lucy said, pleased. "She's offering me an internship?"

"I would like to show her the dress you made. If she likes it, she may offer you one. Also, I'm sure you don't have a portfolio, but could you put something together to show her how you made it?"

Lucy rushed upstairs.

"Yes, of course," she called, as she headed for her room. She cleared her desk and raided Eleanor's workroom for high-quality paper and ink. She drew the dress pattern carefully, each section separately, then drew the finished product on a Tinsley-like figure.

Then she started drawing new designs, using block colours, relaxed, flowing lines and soft fabrics. The light faded outside and she turned on her desk lamp when she was struggling to see.

Dorota interrupted her.

"Miss Lucy, dinner is in fifteen minutes."

Lucy, startled, nearly upset the bottle of ink. She set it upright and closed it carefully, blowing the ink dry on the pages and stacking them neatly in a folder.

She almost had a full collection! She flicked through the pages, vivid colours leaping out.

She dressed quickly, in a dark green chiffon dress and kitten heels.

As she descended the stairs with her portfolio, she saw Blair's excited face in the lobby below.

Georgina Chapman was beautiful. A former model, her long, glossy dark hair and flawless bone structure made Lucy feel awkward and clumsy.

"Nice to meet you," she said, blushing.

"You too, Lucy," Georgina said, "and it is so good to hear an English accent again. I've been surrounded by Americans for years!"

"Do you not live in England? And I have to agree with you, I didn't realise how much I'd missed it!"

"No, New York most of the time for me. I still visit family for Christmas, though."

"That's good, it's good to get home."

There was a small pause as Lucy tried to find something else to say. Eleanor stepped in with a charming smile.

"Georgina, let's go into dinner."

Blair saved Lucy during dinner by talking to Georgina about her designs. Lucy listened carefully, but it was too much to remember all of it. Besides, she still needed to concentrate on eating her food properly.

They had scallops again that night, and Lucy ate them proudly, remembering her first dinner at the Waldorf house, when Blair had been so cruel to her. The beef bourguignon was lovely, but Lucy tried to eat daintily, smiling whenever Georgina looked in her direction.

They sat in the living room after dinner and Georgina asked to see her portfolio.

Lucy brought it over and Georgina spent nearly an hour flipping through the pages and looking at all the different designs.

"I like the soft lines," Georgina commented, "but I'd need to see them created to see their full potential."

"I've actually already made one, with Blair," Lucy said. "I'll go and get it."

Lucy returned with the pink dress and Georgina smiled as she saw it.

"Interesting," she said. "Blair, would you model this for me?"

Blair, who had been texting on her phone, smiled and snatched the dress from Lucy.

"I'd love to."

Blair's delicate colouring was complimented by the soft pink of the dress. The skirt, flaring out, ended way above her knees, showing off her long legs and giving her the illusion of curves.

Georgina was silent for a long minute. Then she turned to Lucy.

"Let's see what you can do at Marchesa. You can come every Saturday."

Eleanor beamed at Lucy.

"Thank you so much, Miss Chapman," Lucy said.

Blair started typing on her phone furiously.

* * *

Lucy lay on her bed, ecstatic. This internship would give her an edge over so many other applicants to Harvard. And while her mother's connection had given her the opening, her skill had got her the position. She reached for her phone, noticing only now the many missed calls from her mother. There were two Gossip Girl blasts and a few texts.

**Dear Upper East Siders, **

**It seems the saga between Carter and L has only just begun. After a brief freeze, the two were spotted in Central Park, looking cosy with their hot chocolate and clasped hands. **

**I wish you a happily ever after, but I have my doubts. **

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

Lucy snorted. It hadn't taken her long to find out about that. Blair would be in here in a minute.

**Dear UESers,**

**Our own Lucy Waldorf has landed herself an internship at Marchesa. You've just got to love nepotism.**

**xoxo Gossip Girl**

"God, bitter much!" Lucy said, as Blair came marching into her room.

"First of all, I think I know who Gossip Girl is, and second, what is going on with you and Carter?"

Lucy laughed as she retrieved a red jumper from her drawer and put it on over her pyjamas.

"Me and Carter are dating now. I'll give it a go, but I have no high expectations from him. What do you mean?"

Blair's eyes gleamed.

"That thing about nepotism. I sent in the blast, saying how great it was, and that's what she put out. She's obviously not very well off, or she wouldn't be so bitter about it. So, I'm going to start looking at all the poor girls at our school."

"Good luck with that. Actually, Blair, I do want to talk to you about school. I'm not really sure I want to be queen. I have no authority really."

Blair rolled her eyes.

"It's not as though you actually do anything, L."

"I know, but..."

"And don't think you're going to distract me with a subject change. You're dating Carter! After all my advice. Although, secretly, I am a little proud. You seem to have tamed the beast a little."

Lucy blushed.

"He's been nothing but a gentleman, and he seems to really like me. And he's also got over his sleeping with Serena phase, so that's a plus."

Blair looked thunderous.

"Sorry," Lucy added.

"It's ok, L. I'm just so mad! At Serena, at Nate, at myself for not noticing! I'll forgive them in time, they're my best friends, but not yet."

"They were just being slutty," Lucy said.

"Yes, they were," Blair said vehemently. "I just can't bear to think that Nate prefers Serena over me."

Lucy took a deep breath.

"Blair, you and Nate were together since you were eleven. That's a long time being together while growing up. And through those years, Serena was always there, but he couldn't have her. If you two weren't together, it's likely that he wouldn't have wanted her as much, or that they would have dated briefly, then moved on. But because he was with you from such a young age, he started wanting what he couldn't have."

"I know, that does make sense," Blair said. "It still hurts though."

"Of course," Lucy said.

Blair frowned as she looked around Lucy's room, noticing the bare walls.

"You should really decorate," she said.

Lucy suddenly remembered the letter. She rushed to her bag and retrieved it, handing it to Blair.

"This is me as Nate's sister, asking you to read it as objectively as you can. He just wants to say sorry. And as your sister, I think you should read it with a pinch of salt."

Blair smiled.

"Very conflicting. Okay, I'll read it," she said, holding it gingerly between her thumb and forefinger. She muttered a 'goodnight' and went back to her room.

Lucy picked up her phone and checked her texts.

_I had a great time today. and congratulations on your internship. C x_

Lucy smiled. Even Carter Baizen read Gossip Girl.

_When are you going to tell me what's going on between you and Nate?_

Chuck. Suspicious Chuck.

_Hey, is it okay with you if I tell Chuck? He's been on at me non-stop._

Lucy texted Nate back to let him know he could tell Chuck, and texted Chuck to tell him to be patient, then settled back on her pillows to text Carter back.

_Me too :) Thanks, I'm going every Saturday. Speak tomorrow. L x_x

Lucy fell asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

Blair, after reading Nate's letter, was more disposed to forgive him. She went into school the next day in an unnaturally good mood. She even smiled at Chuck, who immediately looked suspicious.

"What are you upto?" he said, as she sat on the steps in front of the school, her minions a respectful few feet away.

"Nothing, can't I smile at my friend?" Blair said cheerfully.

"I heard about Nate's new sibling," Chuck said casually. Blair looked at him sharply.

"Don't tell anyone, Bass. We're keeping it within the family."

Chuck smirked.

"Yes, you've certainly been keeping it in the family."

Blair smacked him on the arm and dragged him around a corner out of sight.

"Don't you dare say anything to anyone," she hissed. "Nate has trusted you with this."

"Lucy has too," Chuck said, "Nate wouldn't tell me until she said it was alright. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

Blair swallowed her jealousy.

"Right, well."

She let him go and stepped back.

"Are you going to Kati's party on Friday?" she asked.

Chuck rearranged his jacket.

"I may make an appearance," he said, "if you are, Waldorf?"

Blair scrunched up her nose.

"How desperate, Bass. I may or may not go, don't count on it."

"Playing hard to get, how adorable," Chuck smirked. He left quickly before Blair could hit him again.

* * *

Lucy had piano lessons at break, and an art lesson after school. By the time she got home, she was sick of artistic stimulation.

Her extra credit essays had been handed back, marked with red ink. One comment read: "Good, but not good enough." Her marks from Marlborough had now been completely transferred over and equated to a 4.0 gpa, but she still had the SATs and the extra-curriculars to go.

Carter was sitting with her mother when she got in, and Eleanor was laughing.

Lucy stopped still in surprise.

"I came over to see you, and your mother invited me for dinner. I hope that's alright?" Carter said, when he spotted her.

Lucy nodded warily.

"Carter here has been telling me about his recent travels," Eleanor said, smiling at her eldest daughter. "How was your art lesson?"

"Passable, literally. I'm getting better."

Lucy sat on the sofa, closing her eyes briefly. Carter looked at her fondly.

"Well, your internship on Saturday should help," Eleanor said.

"I'm going to go and get changed," Lucy said abruptly, heading up the stairs and into her room, closing the door. She changed into jeans and a white, lacy blouse and brushed her hair, which had become tangled. What was Carter playing at? Why was Eleanor home? Why did they have to meet so soon? They had started going out yesterday. Was this normal?

"Are you okay?" Blair said, watching Lucy furiously brush her hair.

"Carter's here for dinner and he's met Mother. Is that normal?"

Blair looked at Lucy, at the features so similar, yet different to her own, and smiled.

"The thing is, Mother already knows Carter. She's known him since he was born. Everyone knows each other, so it's not a big deal."

Lucy stopped brushing her hair.

"Really?"

"Yes, we've always known him. He's not one of us though. As in me and Chuck, Serena and Nate."

She blanched at the last two names.

"I guess being 'one of us' doesn't always mean loyalty, does it?" Lucy said wryly.

"It means we don't judge," Blair said. "No matter how I feel at the present time."

"I see," Lucy said.

Lucy and Blair came down to dinner together. Carter was sat opposite Lucy at the table and she smiled nervously as she sipped her artichoke veloute.

Carter kept Eleanor laughing all throughout dinner.

Carter put his foot in it halfway through the main course.

"So, Blair, are you missing Serena? I heard she's gone to boarding school."

Lucy winced, but Blair simply smiled sarcastically.

"Well, she's my best friend. Of course I miss her," she gushed insincerely.

"When is she coming back?"

As Blair answered him, Lucy felt a strange fear in the pit of her stomach. She had met Serena. Serena was captivating and slightly frightening. How could she compare to that?

She was just nice and fairly pretty.

Carter came to her room after dinner. He drew her into his arms and they lay on the bed, facing each other.

"What's the matter?" he said gently.

Lucy sighed, pushing her dark hair out of her face.

"Sometimes I feel so young and unsophisticated," she said seriously, her solemn brown eyes looking into his.

Carter looked at her.

"When you walked into the room at the wedding, you looked elegant, and sophisticated and like you belonged. You were as beautiful, if not more so, than any girl there. What drew me to you, however, was that you're different. You aren't a clone of every high society girl. You tripped a little over your heels and you kept checking to see you hadn't spilled anything on your dress."

He smiled.

"I was watching carefully, though. You hide it well."

Lucy smiled. At least she looked like she belonged.

* * *

Blair was just getting ready for bed when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," Blair said, wrapping her robe around her. Chuck came in, wearing a tuxedo. His bow tie was untied and his top button undone.

"Blair," he said wearily. Blair frowned, curious. Chuck looked vulnerable. She decided to distract him.

"Come and help me decide what to get Lucy for her birthday. I've narrowed it down to two choices from Tiffany's."

Chuck came over to her laptop, where she showed him the two necklaces she had picked out.

"She'll be 18, right? Have you checked what her other sibling is getting her?"

Blair snarled.

"No, I'm not speaking to Nate."

Then a charming smile spread across her face as she turned to Chuck.

"You can, though. Find out what he's getting her. My present has to be better."

Chuck chuckled.

"You're so competitive. Okay, I will, if you promise me something."

Blair looked wary, but she nodded.

"No, I need you to say it."

Blair stared at him mutinously.

"Fine, I promise."

Chuck smirked and leaned in closer to her.

"A kiss. One kiss and I'll do whatever you want."

Blair scowled and pushed him away.

Chuck held out his hands.

"You promised, Waldorf," he said.

Blair suddenly smiled wickedly.

"You never said when. I'll kiss you, sure, but when? In a month, a year, five years?"

Chuck smirked.

"You're so sneaky. Fine, a bargain. I'll spy on Nate, if you keep an eye on Carter. I don't trust him."

Blair nodded.

"Deal."

"Report back tomorrow at school."

Blair and Chuck shook hands, each grinning as they started the game they loved the most.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Gossip Girl belongs to Cecily von Ziegesar.**

* * *

Silence. The whole penthouse was silent as Blair tiptoed down the stairs to the lobby at 5 am. It was Lucy's 18th birthday, but she wasn't rising early for that.

Chuck emerged from the elevator, rubbing his gloved hands together to warm them up.

"It gets so cold as soon as we hit mid-September now. Damn global warming," he said quietly, as they went over to sit on one of the sofas.

This was the last in a series of clandestine meetings. Blair had dutifully watched Carter's every move over the last week or so and Chuck had more trouble than he had expected learning what Nate's gift was to be.

"Well?" Blair said. "We're running out of time."

Chuck smiled triumphantly.

"Nate has got Lucy several things. A photo album of all of us growing up, so she can see what she missed; an antique locket and a set of pearls."

"A whole set?"

"Yes."

Blair's brow furrowed.

"The photo album is what she'll like the most. I need something thoughtful to go with the Tiffany's necklace."

"I had an idea," Chuck said.

Blair's eyes widened and she smiled gratefully as Chuck told her his idea.

"That's perfect, Bass. Now, my side of the bargain."

Chuck's eyes narrowed.

"Carter has been the perfect gentleman with Lucy. He takes her out to dinner, helps her study for the SATs, meets her after school, charms my mother and doesn't seem to mind that Lucy is a virgin."

Chuck's shoulders slumped.

"But," she continued, and Chuck sat up again, "after he leaves, he goes to clubs, plays high stake poker games and drinks. A lot. I've seen him look tortured when he leaves our apartment, as if he's battling with himself about something."

"Lucy doesn't really seem his type."

"Maybe that's the thing. Maybe he's trying to be her type and so he's hiding all the stuff that _is _him away."

"What about other women?"

Blair smirked.

"He's faithful. But, I've seen him look at a woman, as if his natural impulse would be to go and chat her up, and then remember he can't, and sit down again. It's like he's trying to train himself."

Chuck stood.

"Well, we'll see how long he keeps it up for. I doubt he will for long. Is he coming today?"

"Of course. Well, I imagine. And I know what he's got her."

"Of course you do," Chuck said, amused. "Right, well I'm going to go home and get some sleep."

Blair stood and they shook hands.

"A pleasure doing business with you, Bass," she said.

"You too, Waldorf."

She watched him go, then climbed the staircase softly and slipped back into her still warm bed.

**GG**

Lucy woke at 9, rejoicing that it was a Sunday and she could stay in bed. Her one lie in of the week. Then she remembered that it was her birthday, and she was 18.

She slid out of bed and found her robe and slippers. Then she went through to Blair's room. She wasn't there. Lucy went downstairs and stopped still in the lobby as she saw breakfast laid out in the dining room and heard the clink of china and cutlery. Blair and Eleanor were already there.

"Good morning darling," Eleanor said. "Happy Birthday."

She stood and hugged her daughter, kissing her on the cheek.

"Happy Birthday," Blair said, looking incredibly excited. "This is going to be the best birthday you've ever had!"

"Probably," Lucy said, laughing slightly bitterly as she sat down. She reached for a waffle and started lathering chocolate spread on it. She tried not to remember her other birthdays too much. With only Imogen to celebrate with, they had been lonely and full of emotional expectation.

"What would you like to do today? I've made a booking at Momofuku Ko for lunch, just you and me. How does that sound?"

"Brilliant," Lucy said. "What are you doing, Blair?"

"Don't ask questions, L," Blair said, exasperated. "Just let the surprises arrive."

Lucy smiled, the chocolate on the waffles sticking to her teeth. Blair snorted on her cup of green tea.

"Lucy!" she squealed. "Promise me you'll never have chocolate spread at a public function."

Lucy looked at herself in the mirror over the fireplace and laughed.

"Wow, I'm so attractive," she said, joking.

"Right, girls. Time to get dressed, then we'll go for a walk before lunch. Blair, will you join us for a walk?"

"No, I'll stay here," Blair said.

Lucy dressed in a warm red sweater dress that made her brown eyes look bigger and pulled on some long brown boots. Then she pulled on a cream Burberry trench coat. She smiled at herself in the mirror.

"It's my birthday and I have friends and a boyfriend and a loving family," she said to herself happily, hardly believing it. Then she looked at her figure, suddenly noticing that she had got thinner. The amount of exercise she got, coupled with a healthy, organic diet had got rid of her puppy fat and she had even grown an inch or two over the last month. She smiled at her changed reflection. New York had truly changed her life for the better.

Eleanor was dressed warmly, too, aware of the cold air outside. They stepped out into the park, walking around the boating lake as they talked.

"How is your internship going?" Eleanor asked, as they sipped hot chocolate.

(Blair, meanwhile, had Chuck and Nate and Tinsley helping with her birthday surprise).

"It was good yesterday. The first day was a bit chaotic. I was a bit overwhelmed with all the models around and the designers were all so frantic and tetchy. Yesterday, though, I fitted a few models with some of my designs. Georgina asked me to make them up so she could see what they looked like on. Then she tore them to pieces, figuratively. Then she told me to make up some old Marchesa designs and try to revitalise them."

Eleanor nodded.

"That's good for her. Designers often become so close to their own work they can't see the flaws. And what she's got you to do sounds useful. She'll be working out what you're capable of, and what sort of a designer you are."

"What do you mean?"

"Whether you're an original designer, or one who can design in someone else's style. Chanel will have designers who work to their signature style, but Coco Chanel was an original designer. She created that look."

"So, from what you've seen of my work, what do you think?"

Eleanor stopped walking and faced her daughter.

"I think you need to go out of your comfort zone. Georgina saw _something_, obviously, but don't get complacent. If you want to do this, keep working, creating, breaking down those barriers."

Lucy sighed.

"I want Harvard as well. Does that mean I can still do this when that is over? What if I want to do Law, or be a writer, or something else? There's so many things I want to do. I have never wanted to be just one thing."

Eleanor looked at her keenly.

"Lucy, not many people know what they want to do, or be, when they're 18. Go to college, you'll have four years to work out what you want to do. We're lucky. We have the luxury to wait around and find out what we want. Others don't."

At lunch, Lucy forgot all about her future. The restaurant was tiny, only seating 12 and the chefs served the food straight to them at the counter. It was delicious, but the courses went on and on, and it was 4pm by the time they left the restaurant.

"We were there three hours, Mother. That's insane! I'm not going to be able to eat dinner!"

Eleanor laughed.

"I thought you should have your first fine dining experience in New York."

"Oh, it was amazing. We should get that beef dish made at home. Do they do take-out?"

Eleanor looked horrified at the thought.

"Take-out? We could book them to cater a party, but not take-out!"

As Lucy stepped out of the elevator at home, she saw a familiar flash of red hair.

"Tinsley?" she called. There was a giggle, then Tinsley appeared around the dining room door. She hugged Lucy.

"Happy Birthday," she said. "Your present is in there."

She gestured to the dining room. Lucy decided not to mention Tinsley's recent absence from school. She had a lot going on.

"Thanks, T," she said, hugging her. "Are you the only one here?"

Suddenly something was slipped over her eyes and she couldn't see. She screamed.

"Don't worry, it's silk," came Blair's familiar voice.

"Oh, that's alright then," Lucy said sarcastically. A cool hand slipped into her own and she was led forwards, then up the stairs. She stumbled a few times before her feet were swept off the floor and then she was being carried. A door was swung open and then she was set down carefully. The silk scarf was untied and slipped off her face in one smooth motion.

Lucy's jaw dropped.

Her room looked beautiful. The wall above her desk was covered in a collage of her dress designs and above her bed, a still from _Breakfast at Tiffany's. _Her room no longer looked bare, but cosy and interesting.

She turned to face Blair, Nate, Chuck and Tinsley, who were standing there grinning.

"Thanks, it's incredible."

"It's part of Blair's present," Chuck said.

Lucy looked at Blair, who looked slightly embarrassed but pleased.

"Thanks, B," she said.

Dinner followed, although Lucy couldn't eat much, then presents. Lucy exclaimed over the photo album and jewellery from Nate, the Tiffany's necklace, couture gowns from Eleanor, Manolos from Tinsley and the silver hip flask from Chuck.

"Thanks Chuck," she laughed, as Eleanor pursed her lips in disapproval and she read the small note that informed her there was liquor to go with it.

Carter arrived once the evening had lulled, around 11pm. The others took their leave soon after, and Lucy took Carter to her room. She was full of champagne and he, full of whisky. His presents lay on the floor, forgotten, as they tumbled onto the bed and shed their clothes slowly.

Lucy's head felt light as Carter kissed her neck, her lips, her breast. He asked her if she wanted to, and in one, seemingly everlasting second, she decided.

"Yes," she whispered, as he smiled down at her.

Losing her virginity was painful, but Carter was tender and gentle, covering her with kisses. He slept afterwards, but Lucy lay awake, her body looser somehow, her brain buzzing.

She got out of bed and retrieved her presents, wrapping her robe around her and leaving the room. She opened them downstairs, away from prying eyes. A Harvard sweatshirt, a diamond necklace, a letter. The letter was full of promises, of fidelity and strength.

She smiled. Sex was always better after the first time anyway.

**GG**

Over the next few weeks at school, Lucy started to make friends with Dan Humphrey. They discussed novels, looked over each other's essays and talked about the Upper East Side and their outsider status. Dan snorted at first when she told him she felt like one.

"I'll never fit in, not properly," she said, as she explained her family's attitude towards her, her father's true identity and her insouciance.

"I see the last bit," Dan joked, "you're no Serena van der Woodsen. But you're a Waldorf, you live in a Park Avenue penthouse. It will change you, I know. Sooner or later you'll be doing coke off mahogany desks and ordering hundred-dollar bottles of champagne for lunch. It's what happens. All your classmates party, Lucy, and the the juniors, and my year. And sooner or later, you will too."

Lucy's smile tightened. Her innocence and naivety were open topics of discussion at home, with Eleanor sighing as she explained the difference between new money and old family, about who was acceptable to call a friend. Blair rolled her eyes as she showed Lucy the correct outfit to match with Manolos, and when to choose Jimmy Choos.

"I've no doubt. I've changed already," she said. "I'm dating Carter Baizen."

"I don't think that compromises your innocence," Dan remarked. Lucy rolled her eyes.

"When I take the SATs next week, hopefully I'll show them I can do something right."

She did show them.

"2200?" Eleanor gasped, as she checked the piece of paper in Lucy's hand again and again. Blair hugged Lucy.

"Harvard will be lucky to have you," Blair whispered in her ear.

**GG**

Nate missed Blair. He missed having her as his girlfriend. Her gentle, sweet kisses and her attentiveness. They were slowly becoming friends again, Blair enjoying the attention and constant apologies. She gracefully forgave him at Christmas and the presents of pearls and diamonds won her heart back soon after that. They began dating again in the New Year, Blair beaming with joy as her life continued following the pattern of her scrapbook.

She ignored Chuck as much as reasonably possible.

Lucy sent her father a card at Christmas. He didn't answer. She went to see him in the New Year, but he wouldn't let her in. She got drunk for the first time that night, on her own in a hotel bar. Nobody noticed her coming in late. Carter's sweet attention in the first few months of their relationship was waning, she could sense it. He sometimes turned up with the smell of drink on him, and their interactions were increasingly spent in bed. Lucy was desperately trying to fill the emptiness that was consuming her, and sex seemed the best way to distract herself. In early January, Carter went to China and stayed there for four months, his only goodbye a lingering kiss to her forehead and a note full of sweet nothings.

With Carter gone and her father denying her existence, she turned to her brother and sister for support, but they were too busy dating. Blair was consumed with Nate, with being the 'best girlfriend ever' and Nate with proving how devoted her was to her.

So she started partying. She got drunk to try and forget how alone she was. Tinsley, already damaged, came along for the ride and Chuck, sharing with her an absent father and Blair, tried to forget with her.

When Carter came back, Lucy wasn't the girl he had left behind.

She hid it well, of course. She wouldn't risk her early acceptance to Harvard, or her grades. She worked hard at school and partied at the weekends. She turned up to her internship, her piano lessons, her dance classes, but underneath it all, she was pushing everyone away.

People just let her get away with so much. Eleanor went back to ignoring her daughters and Blair to her all-consuming relationship with Nate. Nate did seem good for her, Lucy thought. She worked hard, her dreams of Yale and a blue-blood marriage intact, the secret of Lucy's birth making it socially acceptable.

By March, nobody was calling her innocent anymore. She was Carter Baizen's girlfriend, Tinsley Avery's playmate and Chuck Bass' party companion. And Blair didn't laugh at her any longer.

**GG**

Lucy heard Blair laugh in her bedroom as she tiptoed in at 3am. Her dress was soaked, as she and Tinsley had taken a bath in Betheseda fountain after a lot of cocktails. Then she heard Nate's chuckle.

She tugged her dress off and flung it over her chair, heading into the bathroom for a hot shower before she went to bed. Carter had been ignoring her the past few days, except for late night calls where he slurred his words, bass pumping in the background. She didn't want to think about where he was, what he did when he wasn't with her.

She woke in Blair's bed, hair still wet. Nate and Blair were looking down at her.

"Why am I in here?" she asked blearily.

"You collapsed in the shower," Blair snapped. "We've been through this before, L. When you get in after a night of god knows what, you don't shower. You get into bed and pass out."

"Lucy, who were you out with?"

"Tins. We only had a few cocktails."

Lucy closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but a stinging slap to her cheek left her reeling.

"L, you have to stop this. You'll lose Harvard. Why are you doing this?"

Lucy rolled her eyes and sat up.

"Do you know where Carter is?" she asked quietly. She knew Blair and Chuck kept tabs on him, trying to protect her from his ruinous behaviour. His disappearance to China and Blair and Nate's renewed relationship had sparked her chaotic lifestyle. That, and her father's rejection.

"He's at a strip club," Blair said bluntly. "Chuck called me an hour ago."

Nate sighed and sat beside Lucy, hugging her.

"Why are you still with him, Lucy?"

Lucy shrugged him off. She got up, her vision still a bit wavy.

"You don't get it, do you? I don't have anyone else. You two have each other. Mother has her work. My dad has his own family."

She went back to her room, waving them off as they tried to stop her.

* * *

**A bit darker here - next chapter will fast forward to Serena's return. Lucy's change of behaviour here I think is quite realistic. So far she has reacted to everything that has happened with a bit of upset and anger, but it hasn't affected her too much. She's 18, and only starting to behave like it. To become part of the Upper East Side, she has to stop acting like a well-behaved house guest.**


End file.
